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Critical Analysis #2
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Rose
| Critical Analysis #2 |
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Rose |
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mrmojorisin5908 Member
since 2004-05-03
Posts 103Colorado |
A fire ignites within the soul of a rose Eyes are piercing through impenetrable skin Soon the deep secret within is finally revealed The mask of a lover, unrobed and in naked purity Humiliation can cleanse an evil spirit white The unmasked lover can no longer deceive A marksman has found the clear shot to the heart One dash of truth, a pint of reality, and a spoon of gold The old man has now become a neophyte of lies Cries of agonizing dishonor engross the room Curtains of crimson come to a yellow glow The key to attain salvation has been found among the ruins A deceitful soul has become exposed to the masses Atoms separate, falling to the floor with resonance A murderer, found in the dead leaves of dawn “He has taken my lies!” the unmasked man cries Put into a box for further review Now all hopes to obtain glory have faded in deception But he cannot complain because he has done harm Everyone next to him has suffered great defamation Staining their blood, ink black....permanent Feast of friends has finally taken its toll Humanity as once known is now a theory of ash But the rose, oh that wonderful rose Saved thoughts and preserved all good Oh that rose, that wonderful rose... Andrew A. |
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| © Copyright 2005 Andrew A. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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lightkeeper Member
since 2006-09-13
Posts 100pluto |
i like how your write ..... So im off to read more ...... keep your written words flowing for all to read and appreciate . thankyou  B |
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Not A Poet Member Elite
since 1999-11-03
Posts 3885Oklahoma, USA |
Where is this going? All I see is a bunch of unrelated lines with no cohesive ties. There are a couple of interesting lines and a few tired cliches and the rest just seems to be unrelated fill. Sorry but I honestly don't know what you can do with it. Is there something you particularly liked, lighkeeper? |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
This has great potential, but I think Pete's right. You're letting the line break control the poem. It is a tool. Use it, don't be used by it. I definitely think it deserves another shot. How about it? |
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