Rejection - A Sonnet - pipTalk Forums

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warmhrt
Senior Member

since 1999-12-18

Posts 1563

0 posted 2003-06-03 08:57 PM

Rejection, why has your cold touch been felt?
Your icy fingers reach into my soul,
They turn my blood cold; with my tears, they melt,
But reach in yet again to take their toll.
Oh why, Rejection, do you visit me?
Is it in punishment for deeds of past?
You'd like me to walk straight into the sea,
Though I stand shameless on the shore, steadfast.
I have forgiven myself; days are new,
When others learn to do this, I'll be free,
I will no longer feel so cold, so blue,
Rejection's icy fingers won't reach me.

One day the cold will turn to arms so warm,
Rejection will have lost in every form.

"It is wisdom to know others;
It is enlightenment to know one's self" - Lao Tzu

Not A Poet
Member Elite

since 1999-11-03

Posts 3885
Oklahoma, USA

1 posted 2003-06-07 12:36 PM

Hi Kris,

Long time no see. The rhyme is quite good, well thought out and crafted. I love your theme, probably not a new topic (are there any new topics for sonnets anyway?) but, like the rhyme, well crafted. The only problem I see here is the meter. Remember, sonnets traditionally are expected to be iambic pentameter. Now I know there are some modernists who claim that you can write a sonnet any way you want. But I guess I'm just not a modernist. In fact, I guess I'm a pretty confirmed traditionalist. Thus, I believe one should be careful deviating from the traditional rules when writing a traditional form. Of course it could always be called something other than a sonnet. In this case, however, I think just a little effort would perfect the meter problems without significantly detering from its current charm. It would likely become a little more rigid but I think you have the skill to make it right without hurting it.

Good to see you back. Stick around a while. We seem to have acquired several free versers in CA recently and I'm afraid I'm not much help for them. Of course, you may have noticed the the lovely and talented Severn has signed on to help moderate but another talented voice is always useful.

Thanks,
Pete

V. Tomir
Junior Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 20

2 posted 2003-06-08 01:41 AM

Mrs. Warm

Ironically enough, "Rejection" is exactly the type of letter you will see if you ever try and get the cliched riddled poem published. It's trite cold-touch, tears -melt, verbose assault on decent poetry via Harlequin romance style, is a slap in the face to any reader who has even briefly perused through anything other than latest Jackie Collins book. The only thing worse than the dried out metaphors is the Dr. Zuess rhymes. They do sell rhyming dictionaries you know.

Regards.

[This message has been edited by V. Tomir (06-08-2003 01:48 AM).]

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate

since 2000-10-29

Posts 19200
Between the Lines

3 posted 2003-06-08 03:28 PM

just a queston V. since you leave no email address...why do you assume that we all are hoping to be published, and compared to the great poets of yesterday, when maybe we are on this site and forums, for friendship and learning and expressing.

I am sure I wouldn't be able to survive your critiques and because many of us write for enjoyment only, I think maybe at times you may be a bit too harsh on some. After all. life is a learning experience and we are all not at the same level as you may be.

My sincere regards to you,
Maureen

You may email me if you like.

My mistake, I just noticed above your email... and will forward this just in case you don't come back to read...

[This message has been edited by nakdthoughts (06-08-2003 03:30 PM).]

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