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JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA

0 posted 2000-04-02 07:41 PM


Don't look at me
Don't look at me
I am a traitor
I do not want anything good for you
I don't feel
I am not compassionate
I used to be so compassionate
Not now
It's not in me anymore
So don't look at my sad face
And want to help
Don't try to comfort me now
I don't need you now!
I needed you when I was compassionate
When I still felt for you and your needs
Now all I'll do is spit hatred on your skin
And burn you
So look away when you see me coming
Look away so you won't be compelled to come near
When you spot the drops dripping on my cheeks
from my bloodshot eyes
I am a traitor
I'll admit to it
I'm living my regrets
My whole life is a regret
I'm living in the midst of it
The pain all just a part of it now
I don't mind
Because I have all of you playing my game
But what am I going to do
When you start to do what I tell you?
When you do look away
When you don't look at my face
When you start to see once again I'm not there?
I'll have no where to go
I cannot be compassionate again.

© Copyright 2000 Kristen Joy Jacobus - All Rights Reserved
John the cat
Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 357
England
1 posted 2000-04-02 07:44 PM


Wow Joy..This is disturbing. Powerful.

 May your roof never fall in and those beneath it never fall out.

Irish proverb.

songwater
Junior Member
since 2000-04-02
Posts 32
Marietta,Ga.
2 posted 2000-04-02 08:09 PM


Joy,When I read your poem I want to reach out.I too have felt the pain.
Denise
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 1999-08-22
Posts 22648

3 posted 2000-04-02 09:03 PM


Sometimes life and people can drain all the compassion right out of us.

Denise

twinsgd
Member
since 2000-02-13
Posts 416
Ontario,Canada
4 posted 2000-04-02 10:24 PM


"I am a traitor"....very very harsh Joy
I know it's a well worn platitude but time does heal all wounds, and this too shall pass.

 Jack

From day to day, nothing so surely defines the quality
of our lives as the unwavering affirmation in the eyes,
in the voices, in the presence of our friends. It is through
them that we truly begin to know ourselves; and it is
their affection that assures our dignity and worth.
- Robert Sexton

Jonas
Senior Member
since 2000-03-03
Posts 796
Oregon
5 posted 2000-04-02 10:34 PM


This reminds me of an ex-girlfriend....always draining me emotionally. Very powerful words Joy!

 "Writing is easy. All you do is stare at a blank sheet of paper until drops of blood form on your forehead."
-Gene Fowler


Lost Dreamer
Member Elite
since 1999-06-20
Posts 2464
Somewhere near the Rainbow
6 posted 2000-04-03 09:38 AM


Joy, Your poem cries of sorrow and longing for another that has hurt you. You did a wonderful job expressing your pain, I know people I have compassion for even though I should not, but I always look for reasons and excuses for their stupidity. They are only friends and relatives so maybe that's why I can carry the burden cause it does not crush my heart. I hope things get easier for you as time goes on.
ESP
Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....
7 posted 2000-04-03 01:49 PM


Joy, I am really sorry you feel so...alone. The lack of compassion you describe will pass. Allow yourself to forgive and let time do the rest.

Love and hugs,
Lizzie


JOY 14
Senior Member
since 1999-09-22
Posts 1419
Wisconsin USA
8 posted 2000-04-03 05:47 PM


Thank you all for your replies.  I am usualy compasionate to people, even people who don't deserve it, like you said, Lost Dreamer.  When I wrote this, I just felt like I could't give any more.  I know things will look up though.  Just not now.  Thank you again for your very kind words.  

Joy

Sasikat
Member
since 2000-02-02
Posts 290
St. Petersburg, FL
9 posted 2000-04-04 06:24 AM


Though it may not seem so now, time will play a major part is healing these wounds.  Don't ever lose faith in yourself.  You will have your compassion back.  You are not a traitor.....you are human with deep emotion.

Sheila


 ...the earth and myself are of one mind. The measure of the land and the measure of our bodies are the same........... Joseph, Nez Perce Chief

childomine
Senior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 818
st. petersburg, FL
10 posted 2000-04-04 06:32 AM


Very dark Joy but I know the feeling behind these words.  Sometimes you have to step back and rejuvenate, but only for a moment.  This person must have hurt you terribly.

 ...Give me the strength to walk the soft earth, a relative to all that is....
Black Eagle
Oglala Sioux holy man


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