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Teen Poetry #2
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why?
| Teen Poetry #2 |
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why? |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
Your sweet loving words Always sang to me like the birds You smiled and I smiled back I always cut you too much slack I didn't care when you went to her house You snuck around like a little mouse Why is it that I couldn't see That you really didn't love me So how could you sit there and look into my eyes And foolishly tell me lies Did you think that I was that naive Were you afraid that iwould leave How could you do that to me Do you not care or can you not see My heart is broken on the floor And you continue walking out that door That's ok, take yourself and walk But realize, that never again will we talk! Don't expect me to answer when you call My sister will just tell you I'm at the mall DId you honestly think I was that Naive?? Or were you just too afraid I would get up and leave?? |
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| © Copyright 2000 Jessica Lynn - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Isabelle Member
since 1999-08-25
Posts 176Indiana |
I know exactly how you feel. I just went through the same thing. His excuse was he didn't want to hurt me that's why he didn't tell me sooner before i found out from someone else. I was more mad b/c of the dishonesty then anything else. This was very well written. You do a good job. Jeanna  "Poetry is the music of the souls, and above all, of great and feeling souls." ~Voltaire~ |
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Jeremy Halstead Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569Morris, Ill. U.S.A |
Hey Jess, I really like this one. I noticed how the mood started off sweet and light, starting turning sad and thick, and then transfered really smoothly right over to bitter and strong. I like the way your poetry talks you're talking to a person. You're consistant with it and that can be a good thing. keep it up. Jeremy Halstead |
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Lucius Cade Member
since 2000-03-23
Posts 235Saskatchewan |
Jessica, this is my personal favorite of yours. Very well written. Lucidity is the answer to all problems |
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CLBinLOVE Member
since 2000-06-04
Posts 147Hilton Head, SC, USA |
i really like the poem, i can almost relate, bacause my girlfriend is kinda scaredthat i might do that to her, and sometimes so am i but anyway im sure everybody else reading these posts will be much happier if i didnt get into these problems of mine anyhow, i really liked the poem, maybe could use some work on the beat of the words, mayde add a few here or there, nothing that really means anything in the poem, just to give some lines the volume needed to be symetrical always follow your heart, never follow others unless it is truely where you want to go, and never give up a dream, maybe just set it aside...:) |
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StarPryncess17 Senior Member
since 2000-05-31
Posts 932Colorado |
CB~thanks for your reply. I too thought it could use some work. I'll edit it asap! thxs for you advice...your problems however are an issue-I would love to talk to you about this! I am very good at listening and giving advive!! If you do want to talk just e-mail me! StarPryncess17@hotmail.com. =0) hope to hear from you!!!!! Love Always~*~Jessica~*~ |
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