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Passions in Poetry

Betrayal

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~one voice~
Senior Member
since 07-08-99
Posts 668
Billings, MT USA


0 posted 07-25-99 07:22 AM       View Profile for ~one voice~   Email ~one voice~   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for ~one voice~

Excuse me, for I must inquire:
is this friendship true?
If not, they why pretend?
Do you think it betters you?

Your betrayal is a ritual.
The shock is now all gone.
So throw out all the lies
that Iíve been hearing for so long.

Stop it with the back-stabbing
and say it to my face!
And you wonít be the first one
as to whom Iíve lost my place.

I canít stand your pity-party.
Stop your little games!
You think you are so unique,
but you are just the same.

Donít give me bad excuses,
itís a waste of precious time.
I have come to realize
your friendshipís not worth a dime.

You better not annoy me
with your frivolous defence,
for the price will be humility
all at your own expense!

The presence of your shallowness
insults my sense of being.
So quickly now, get lost-
so that with you I wonít be seen.

Tell me where you get the nerve
to label ME as fake...
This narrow-minded view of yours
is oh, but a mistake.

What incentive do you have
that you have used judge me?
Do you realize that your hollow soul
a judge can never be?

I must not condone you
for capturing my thought.
You anger me, you frustrate me,
but thatís all of me youíve got.

You lost the battle to begin with
for your depth cannot be learned.
You must surpass internal wars
for strength is something earned.

So nod that "Barbie" head of yours
if Iíve made myself clear.
(Your shallow blindness is
subconsciously cowering in fear.)

You havenít one idea
just how fake you have become.
Oh, you poor, lost, shallow soul...
Your war has just begun.

©1997 ~one voice~

(if anyone has any comments to help me out with the rhythm, here, please let me know! Thank you.)

------------------
~onevoice~

"I never kissed somebody so that they would break my heart."

© Copyright 1999 ~one voice~ - All Rights Reserved
DreamEvil
Member Elite
since 06-22-99
Posts 2442


1 posted 07-25-99 07:31 AM       View Profile for DreamEvil   Email DreamEvil   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit DreamEvil's Home Page   View IP for DreamEvil

Excellent!

I loved the flow of the poem, drew me in nicely.
I've liked this one from the first read.

[This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 07-25-99).]
Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 06-05-99
Posts 26302
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA


2 posted 07-25-99 07:55 AM       View Profile for Balladeer   Email Balladeer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Balladeer's Home Page   View IP for Balladeer

one voice, this is excellent. I could feel the anger and emotion come from this poem and a sincereness and determination in your words. I will mail you the flow corrections but the poem is well done!
Ohme
Senior Member
since 07-17-99
Posts 831
Texas


3 posted 07-25-99 09:52 AM       View Profile for Ohme   Email Ohme   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ohme

I enjoyed it very much. I like the sense of survival. Thanks
Delores Hall
Member
since 07-16-99
Posts 358
USA


4 posted 07-25-99 10:38 AM       View Profile for Delores Hall   Email Delores Hall   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Delores Hall

I knew someone like that.Didn't like her
very much.Tried to stay away from her.But
she beat me to the punch.
poetFemmeFatale
Member Elite
since 07-25-99
Posts 2961
Arkansas


5 posted 07-25-99 05:05 PM       View Profile for poetFemmeFatale   Email poetFemmeFatale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for poetFemmeFatale

Reading this really helped me feel some relief -
I have someone like this in my present situation -
Feeling you vent on Barbie helped me vent on my Barbie!!! Ah what a relief, thank you !! (smile)

------------------
- poet FemmeFatale

"The strongest man in the world is he who stands most alone..." Henrik Ibsen (1826-1906) Norwegian dramatist lyric poet

Colin
Senior Member
since 06-05-99
Posts 612
Callington, Cornwall, England


6 posted 07-25-99 05:23 PM       View Profile for Colin   Email Colin   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Colin

I really liked this. The emotions, the anger and hurt felt show through very strongly. To me, it brought to mind sitting in a room all alone thinking about what you would really LOVE to say to someone who has used you, but you know you won't ever say because it's just not worth it.

As to the rhythm, "flow" isn't just a matter of rhythm alone and your words flow very well, leading the reader on nicely.
Alwye
Moderator
Member Elite
since 06-16-99
Posts 3968
In the space between moments


7 posted 07-25-99 09:24 PM       View Profile for Alwye   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Alwye

Wonderful!! I must say that I truly understand where you are coming from. Excellent job.

------------------
*Krista Knutson*

"It's a crazy thing, fate has perfect wings..."-Deanna Carter
 
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