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Passions in Poetry

I gripped her hand...

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Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


0 posted 09-19-99 02:31 AM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

I gripped her hand as if it was a cross
She tempted me into her wicked web
And as we sneaked inside upon our toes
The ground shook from every step

Just as the locks await the fitting keys
My stainless heart awaited its embrace
She kissed me once with autumnís breeze
Then, disappeared without a trace

Came winter... windows froze with ice
And ashen snow fell on the surface
And in my dreams I sought her eyes
Like every key that seeks its purpose


[This message has been edited by Master (edited 09-19-99).]
© Copyright 1999 Andrey Kneller - All Rights Reserved
caroline
Senior Member
since 08-16-99
Posts 1251
http://members.xoom.com/bellad


1 posted 09-19-99 02:53 AM       View Profile for caroline   Email caroline   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for caroline

You're good!! Aggravatin' thing, but you're good! (just kiddin' Master..heheh...you know I love your work )

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The only man worth your tears will never make you cry...
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


2 posted 09-19-99 09:45 AM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Whoa....another good one Master. Your imagery is wonderful. You never fail to amaze me

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"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus
Pepper
Member Elite
since 08-19-99
Posts 3134
Southern Florida

Official Passions Reader
3 posted 09-19-99 09:58 AM       View Profile for Pepper   Email Pepper   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Pepper

this touched me Master......

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May your days be filled with lots of sunshine and your nights lit up by golden moonbeams
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


4 posted 09-19-99 12:51 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

I love your work also Caroline! Thank all for your comments!
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


5 posted 09-19-99 02:31 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

Any suggestions on how to make the second stanza rhyme a bit better, the last line seems to break the flow a bit...
hoot_owl_rn
Member Patricius
since 07-05-99
Posts 11105
Glen Hope, PA USA


6 posted 09-19-99 03:05 PM       View Profile for hoot_owl_rn   Email hoot_owl_rn   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit hoot_owl_rn's Home Page   View IP for hoot_owl_rn

Master......take out the single before the word trace, it dramatically improves the flow

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"In the depths of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer" ~Albert Camus
Master
Senior Member
since 08-18-99
Posts 1880
Boston, MA


7 posted 09-19-99 08:12 PM       View Profile for Master   Email Master   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Master's Home Page   View IP for Master

Thanks Hoot, I'll do that!
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 08-26-99
Posts 46297
displaced


8 posted 04-23-2004 12:41 PM       View Profile for passing shadows   Email passing shadows   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for passing shadows

good write!
 
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