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A young writers works...please respond
| Open Poetry #2 |
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A young writers works...please respond |
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Ashlie693 Junior Member
since 1999-07-08
Posts 25 |
HELLO ALL. I AM 14 AND JUST WANTED TO SEE WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF MY WRITINGS...I MAY BE YOUNG BUT FROM WHAT U READ YOU WILL SEE I HAVE BEEN THOUGH A LOT! Footsteps Footsteps... I hear them, the steps getting closer to my bedroom door. I await those footsteps nearing my bed, the moment I will be with you again. They are there, but I think only because of the longing in my heart Your voice... I wake up to hear you, calling out for me You are telling me you love me And that you will ease all of this pain you have caused Your voice is there, but I think only because I loved those beautiful words of love you spoke to me. Your smell... Thoughts of you run through my mind, your scent tickles my nose, sitting alone in my room. Your smell is here, but I think only because I long to be close enough to you to have that scent on my own body once again. Your touch... The only thing I no longer wake up to. The only thing I cannot feel without you here. The electricity that goes throughout my body when you touch me, can no longer be felt. Your touch is no longer here, and I hope that someday I will be able to not have to imagine all these other things, and once again you will be in my arms. Why I loved your eyes You always wondered why I loved your eyes so much.... They sparkled like a starry night. The kind of night that you return to childhood just for a few moments, and wish on a star that the one you love, will be the one you love for all eternity. They were bluer than the bluest ocean. The ocean that held as many secrets underneath as you do. So many unsolved mysteries...so much to wonder about. They were your other mouth. The mouth that didnt speak with words, but just a gaze that seemed to last forever. It said much more than your lips would ever have to. And that, my love, is why I loved your eyes so much. It will NEVER happen to me! "Sure he can come over, He'll sneak through my window," I said "No one will even notice." I wish I had used my head Did I get caught? No.. But I did pay a big fee It wasnt the ten I payed for the beer But..it was my virginity. Its not as bad if your in love But I didnt know the guy That was something for my husband Now I feel like I am going to die I didnt think I was too drunk I thought my friends would help me But I did drink too much and they werent my real friends, And now pregnant I may be. Theres only a small chance, But the fear in my heart is great He told me I wanted it, My friends said I said NO, they call it rape I cant have a baby For I am still one But for now, I must act like an adult Even though, I am so young IT IT is a liar. Trapping people of all ages into its cunning trap. IT is a hammer. Breaking the hearts of our loved ones, who can only pray that we can someday see what they do. IT is a crook. Robbing us of the right to make the right decisions, breaking apart familys, and taking our minds away. IT is sly. Working its way slowly into our lives, until we center ourselves around it. IT is among us. Every day, we see posters, magazine ads, signs, commercials, promoting it. IT is EVIL. Only causing hurt and pain, only out to destroy. IT is Alcohol. Goodbye Best Friends Forever We always would say Those words echo in my head And I see where we are today You neglected the trust Broke the bond that we had Made me feel second best Unappreciated, and sad I didnt want to accept it That we were growing apart Then one day it hit me And it broke my heart Never do we know How the words we speak can hurt The heartless words you spoke Made me feel like worthless dirt Will time heal this pain I really dont know But for know Id like to let you know Im going to take it slow I dont care to see you right now Or talk on the phone Maybe I need to see What its like to face life alone The trust here is gone When will it return Maybe never, I fear But maybe this is how we learn A piece of my heart is broken And it needs time to mend The only thing left to be said today Is goodbye, my friend Neverending Pain How can you act as if nothings wrong? We've been through so much, its been way too long My heart is just SICK, of loving so much And giving and giving,then loosing your touch My mind cant forget, about all of our days But it also can't forget, your neverending ways You tell me you love me, you tell me you care But then when you get "some", you suddenly aren't there I never get mad, but sometimes I cry I love you so much, but I cant understand WHY Why do you have, this GRIP so tight around me That I can't break looose, I can't get free The look on your face, Will have me coming back for years Despite how you hurt me And all of my tears those are just a few..please respond!!! |
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| © Copyright 1999 Ashlie693 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
I feel the pain of your verse. You would receive more response were they posted individually, but the pain and nostalgia I feel compelled me to respond. Very nice work. ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© |
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Paul Allen Lupien Member
since 1999-09-09
Posts 114Ferndale,Mi.USA |
There is absolutely no doubt in my mind what-so-ever,that you have the special gifts of a natural writer.Keep writing,keep reading,keep growing...never give up your gifts.They are too valuable. Impressed, PAL ------------------ |
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Isis Member Ascendant
since 1999-09-06
Posts 6296Sunny Queensland |
Nice job, but watch how it flows, the rhythm of the verse, it should be lilting, almost like a song. But like said above, read, practise, experiment you will only get better, there is a gift there waiting to grow. ------------------ Words that enlighten the soul are more precious than jewels. ~Isis~ |
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Lucie Senior Member
since 1999-06-20
Posts 1077Houston |
Always hold these writings close to your heart, for they are your true beginning. Someday as I am sure a lot of the poets here do, you will read these verses and see how much you have grown. |
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Julie Senior Member
since 1999-08-20
Posts 739Houston, TX |
I still have poetry I write from when I was as young as ten. Keep Writing. When the rest of the world doesn't work, you will at least have this. Move your eyes away from this man, Still young...become all you can. Don't waste your life on a broken heart, give yourself a new start. ------------------ Julie ------------------------- ..."to thine own self be true." >William Shakespeare |
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