Dear My Love,
I find myself at a crossroads. I am torn between you and the one I married. I love you both with such intensity that it terrifies me to death. Neither of you have more of my heart than the other. It is split evenly between you.
And now I have discovered that after all this time you have always loved me; that, in a way, you even want me as part of your life. I am confused with all of this. I donít know how to feel. Please help me to understand. Help me with this decision.
I want you. In every way possible, I want you. But to have that it would mean hurting the one I have married and the two him and I have sired. Itís forbidden to usÖthis attraction. But thatís what makes it even more tempting. I am half tempted to throw caution to the wind and say Go for It! But at the same time I am afraid of what might happen if I do.
Itís just thatÖ.you have the ability to make me forget any troubles I may have. You are able to take me high in the clouds and elate me so that I never want to come down. At these times, I just want to die in the dreamÖI want to be far, far away from reality. And itís like this with every look, every word, every move you make, but most of all with every touch. I melt every time you touch me. You turn me on like no one else can, not even him. My attraction to you is far greater than it has ever been to any other. I know that it shouldnít be that way, but I canít fight it. Believe me I have tried.
I have tried to not love you like I do. I have tried to block out and shut down my feelings, but since that incredible dream I had about us, I havenít been able to control my feelings. And in a way I feel guilty, for it isnít fair to him or my sons that I feel this way.
What am I to do? I canít follow my heart because I canít split in two. I canít follow my mind because it can be irrational. I donít know if I should follow my gut because I have been misled by it before. Oh I donít know what to do!!!!!
My feelings for you, I guess, are all that matters in the end.
I love you so much!
Your Sweet Darling