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The Ride~ The Challenge
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The Ride~ The Challenge |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
My family had never been close, being the youngest of five children by the span of 11 years, my siblings had moved from home by the time I was old enough to know they really existed. I was raised as basically an only child due to this, spoiled I think would be the right word. Spoiled not in monetary ways but in the things that matter, time and love, at least by my father. There was no question that I was his "favorite". That is why this one event shook my world to a point that it would never be firm again. My mother, who was always much to tired, sick or busy to spend anytime with me, asked me to take a drive with her one day. I was 16 at the time and now today 12 years later I could still tell you what the temperature was, the time, the road and the exact spot we were in when she began to speak. With her eyes forward, voice not wavering for a moment, she stated that my father was not my biological father. This alone would have taken a while to get past but it got worse. She had left my father when my siblings were 13, 12, 11 and 9 with a man she had know for a short while. Four years later she called my father and told him she wanted to come home, he sent her the money and she returned to her children and her husband with me at two years of age. My siblings have never forgiven her for this which now answers the question of why I never saw them. She ended the story with the statement, "and that is all I am going to say". She had stated the name of my biological father, Richard, and the town where his family lived. She expected me to go home and forget what she had told me and pretend this had never happened, the same way everyone else in my family had done. The next day I skipped school and met my "uncle", after our visit he in turn called Richard, who lived in Florida while I lived in Michigan. That night I received a phone call from Richard that was intercepted by my mother. I, while in complete shock, was allowed to talk for 10 minutes. When I started to ask questions my mother cut us off. She wrote a letter to Richard that night after which she destroyed the address I had carefully written down. She sent it the following morning and as we drove to the post office I was told by my Aunt and my mother what a horrid child I was and then they both wanted to know how I could be so cruel to hurt my mother this way. She could not, or would not, understand that I only wanted the answers to the questions that she had refused to answer. I waited until I was 21 to contact my "uncle" again with the hope of getting another chance for my questions to be answered or perhaps to meet the half sister and half brother that I had found out about. When I called my "uncle" he stated, with deep sorrow in his voice, that Richard had passed away only weeks prior a mere 20 miles from my home. Upon the undeniable conclusion that he was going to die from cancer, Richard was asked if he wanted to contact me. He told his family that he had promised my mother he would never contact me again and they respected his wishes along with hers. This is still something that is NEVER mentioned within my family, in fact I don't even think that my father knows that I have been told. The ONLY reason that I don't mention it, is the man that is my father gave me unconditional love and has never been anything but MY father and I cannot name one man that would do what he did for my mother and I. Only within the last couple years have I been able to trust anyone, when people you love betray you this deeply it's hard to put faith in anyone again. |
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MagnoliaBlue Member
since 2000-05-12
Posts 367 |
Hi Butterflies_don't_cry... It is 1 AM and I was reading poetry and prose as it is too hot to sleep now, and I ran across your post. I am sorry for what you lost! Strange. I know how you feel. I am the next to last child in a family of 6 children. My mother told me...after all of us were grown and had children of our own...that my sister and 4 brothers were only my half-siblings. That was a shock to me...but other than that...it wasn't too important because these were my brothers and sister. Unfortunately, my siblings didn't feel the same way. They haven't spoken to me since. Thats been 24 years. I don't know who my father is and in the blink of an eye,I lost siblings that I loved dearly. Some people should keep their big mouths shut and carry their secrets to their grave. The man that has the role of your father and gives you unconditional love....keep him...he's a winner and you are lucky! MagnoliaBlue |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I agree! Family is not in the blood, it's in the heart. Hugs for your loss, but look what else you gained!  A family is precious no matter the genetic ties.Well written Holly! |
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netswan Senior Member
since 2000-03-28
Posts 1369Washington |
Butterflies, this is so touching. I am not you, and can't tell how you took it, but, I, too think that once something like this has happened in a family unit, every one should just take the secret with them. I was ten when I was told my daddy was not my daddy -----It was unbelievable, it couldn't be true. The rug was pulled right out from under my feet. I think that since you were told YOU had every right to meet your father. Even, if it was just idle curiousity. AND blessing to those men that raise children that are not theirs as if they were their very own -----So many men do that you know. You are very lucky to have a daddy that raised you with love --) Wonderful story, Butterfly. Warmly, netswan |
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lorilockheart Member
since 2000-05-06
Posts 206Alabama |
Hey, I wanted to read you here too. It's really difficult for me to comment on this one, except to say that this is a heart-wrenching story. Family is in the heart, as stated before, and something I think you know. You fit in here too, Butterfly. And oddly enough, it's family too. Lori ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I hope you still feel small when you stand beside the ocean. Whenever one door closes I hope one more opens. Promise me you'll give faith a fighting chance. And when you get the choice to sit it out or dance - I hope you dance. song by LeeAnn Womack ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
hey my SS... well I seem to be at a loss for words... but you know I'll recover quickly  I am so glad you tried prose and as I knew you would be...your a natural. I know this kind of writing comes hard for you, with cost emotionally, you much more so than me... but we both know its a "nessesary evil"...out the soul thru the pen... what dont kill us makes us stronger right? *smile*... (you can throw something at me if i say one more Cliche') LOL isnt is ironic that we can love again, with more ease than we can trust again? Im sorry you lived this pain. Your unselfishness for the man who raised you ...is most touching. Shows what a class act you are. take care my sweet. jm Some things cannot be explained by verses that rhyme, They are not measured by the commitment of time. Some emotions run too deep to be described by words, Forgiveness and understanding-remain the most beautiful words ever heard. ~Janet Marie~ "What the caterpillar calls the end ... The world calls a butterfly" ~Lao Tze Tao~ ~Butterflies are meant to be free~ |
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Butterflies_dont_cry Member Elite
since 2000-03-06
Posts 3733Michigan |
Thank you all for reading. I do know how lucky I am to have the father that I have...he taught me what unconditonal love is and the true meaning of family, I could never thank him enough for that. Lori, you are so right, J.M. **throwing kleenex at ya....cuz you choked me up besides who needs relatives when I have an S.S. like you!! Thankyou.[This message has been edited by Butterflies_dont_cry (edited 05-22-2000).] |
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