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An Essay About Family
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An Essay About Family |
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Alain DeLaCendres Member
since 1999-07-02
Posts 119Ohio |
*note: written for my advanced composition class..got a 24 of 25..996 words total..Thanks. I have three brothers, and we all live with our mother and father. My parents have never been divorced, though they have separated several times during their eighteen year marriage. The term “family time” has almost no meaning at all in my family. I actively hate this aspect of my family, but I cannot change it so I have to accept it. Many people say their childhood memories are filled with nothing but joy. The most joyful times I had as a child were when my father was not home and I was playing with my toys either alone or with my older brother Eddie. To be honest, my father was an alcoholic when I was young. Eddie and I grew up in fear of that man, our father. Drunken rages were all too common during the night. I can remember many, many times when I woke up in the middle of the night to a coffee cup smashing against the wall, dad screaming, mom crying...but my father never hit Eddie or I. However, my mother was a different story. Since I have started telling, I may as well shine the spot light on everything. My mother cannot hear from her right ear because my father hit her in the ear with a coffee cup many years ago, shattering her eardrum. I remember that night...of all the nights to choose from, I have to be able to remember that night. I guess the reason my mother never divorced my father was because of the ideals she was raised with. My grandfather (my mother’s father) raised her not to believe in divorce. Despite this view that my grandfather held quite sternly, he had been more than willing to take my mother and her unborn child (Eddie) in to prevent her from being wed to my father. So I feel that is the reason why mother never divorced my father, but many times it came close. We left my father for the first time when I was in the second grade. We finally left because my father had stepped over the line; he threw Eddie and I across the room to a couch. It happened just because he was drunk and we got in his way on accident. This pushed my mother over the edge and we left that same day. We were back within two weeks. There are always stories about alcoholics saying they will straighten out their lives and sober up, but many of them never do. Well, my father did. He stopped drinking and took an active role in raising my two younger brothers, Ronald and Alex. The little ones saw much more of father than Eddie and I ever had because mother was working day shift and father was unemployed at the time. By that time Eddie and I had already drifted from our father and were independent. My father is a good man, I know he is. I will never admit that again most likely, and that is sad. It hurts to think that I know my father to be a decent man inside because I hardly ever see that good man and when I do, I ignore it. It is almost as if that “good man” side is a figment of my imagination....but I know it is not. Neither Eddie nor myself has forgotten what our father once was. In not forgetting, we have not forgiven. Eddie and I will either do both or none, and I know it will always be none. To this day Eddie and I never speak to our father unless we have to. We do not fear him anymore, now it is more of a disgust because we see how he is now, and we hate the fact that he was not good like that for us when we were little. Personally, I am lucky to talk to the man even once a day, and when we do talk, it is never more than a few words, or ever about something that I want to talk about. It is always something he likes. It feels as if he has nothing else to say to Eddie or I unless it has to do with music or cars. My mother told me something a long time ago that I have never forgotten. I can still see her sitting the four of us down at the kitchen table, Ronald and Alex unable to comprehend what was going on, and crying as she told us all this: “Kids, I know you’re feeling a lot of hate towards your dad right now. But you can’t hate him forever, he is your father. You have to love him because he is your dad, but that doesn’t mean that you have to like the things he does. Your dad is happy where he is, so we have to let him be happy.” I am sorry, but I cannot elaborate on the situation surrounding this event, I do not want to remember right now. What I do remember is knowing my mother was lying to me on that day. Mom was hating my father just as much as we were. She admitted as much later to me, but not until I was fifteen. I asked my mother about the event, and she told me that telling the four of us that was the hardest talk she had with us; and I believe her...I could not have done it had I been in her position. So, understanding the background of my family, I do not think it is too hard to see why we do not have “family time.” Dad does not believe in it, Ronald and Alex could care less, Eddie hates being at home and so never is. That leaves only my mother and I. It is not terribly unusual to see me in a store with no one but my mother. Besides, some one has to keep a sense of family alive. ------------------ Tout s'en va, tout passe, l'eau coule, et le couer oublie. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Alain DeLaCendres - All Rights Reserved | |||
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DreamEvil Member Elite
since 1999-06-22
Posts 2396 |
Well now, an excellent essay on family and human tragedy as well. Well written and concise. I too have dealt with exactly this same issue, though it is not siblings my father treats better and with more patience but with his grandchildren. I have found it difficult to forgive him for all that I lost out on and will strive to do so. Forget it? Never, such only allows it to happen again. One thing I would say to you is this; I was sadistic and cruel for a good portion of my life. Should I not be allowed to change for the better? While it would not change the past, it helps heal the future. Would you deny someone the right to change and feel sorrow and remorse for their sins? That would make you as cold and unfeeling as the father you hate. Perhaps your hatred is turning you into what you despised in your father as history and generations do repeat themselves. Just a thought on a wonderful essay. ------------------ Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~. DreamEvil© [This message has been edited by DreamEvil (edited 09-19-99).] |
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Christopher
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-02
Posts 8296Purgatorial Incarceration |
I always feel honored Alain, when allowed to read of someone's family. A person's family has a lasting and arguably the biggest impact on a person's role in this world. Again, I am honored. And amazed that such beauty can come from something that appears not to have been so. That beauty is you and your strength. Hold onto what family you have! (BTW- it was well written too!)  |
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