My Slow Descent Into Insanity

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Systematic Decay
Senior Member

since 1999-09-15

Posts 1301
That place with padded walls and funny people in white.........

0 posted 1999-09-20 10:48 PM

Once upon a distant time,I was a happy little girl. I ran with the neighboorhood kids. I was one among many, a functioning part of the whole. I was a regular tomboy...always scraping my knees and skinning my elbows. Then SHE came along.

From that time on ruled misery. At first it was just a bad situation...one that would be shed like a skin. Or so I thought. Over the course of a few years I lost all my friends...who were not exactly true. Looking back, they were not as bad as HER.

Then began the dismal times. Repression, untold hate, denial of my own reduction into slavery. SHE did it, and I let her.

Then came the awful pain. The blood the ran as a result of misdealt revenge. The broken teeth, the scarred soul...the acidic taste of terror mingling with the nauseating rush of fury and spite. I wanted to scream, to hurt, to KILL....but I didn't.

Then SHE moved away...but was still controlling my life....or lack thereof. Anything requested was delivered in the night by yours truly.

After a while HE entered the picture. The waters of realization began to flood around me, and I knew I was better than all I had been living. But I dug my hole deeper, till I couldn't climb out. Self inflicted wounds to wear away the nothing. Swallowing misery to chase away the apathy.

I dragged HIM down with me....and kept HER in the dark.
SHE kept calling for favors that I provided...while HE was by my side. HE was there for me when I went away, when everything collapsed on me. HE was there, and SHE hurt HIM too....SHE hurt my love....

I returned to my real world....the one of despair....but it was my despair, and not the uncaring passiveness of before. But HE made it all btter. HE loved me, HE kissed it all away. I fell for HIM hard...so hard it hurt.

I had to get away from HER. I ran far, far away from HER. I ran away from everything that was just starting to finally improve. To get away from HER. SHE ruined me and I let her. And HE is sitting in the next room, my lover so divine. HE saved what was left of me.....but it came juat a bit too late. There's nothing left of me now...jus the ruins of a wretched heart.

I should be happy now...but I'm more unhappy than before. SHE did this too me. SHE engulfed me in darkness. Now I am too warped to enjoy the light. I am the destroyer, yet I think I may be flattering myself...... Nobody cares about me, except for HIM. And when HE realizes who I am, HE will despise me....and I will be free to guiltlessly end this miserable existance.

DreamEvil
Member Elite

since 1999-06-22

Posts 2396

1 posted 1999-09-21 01:51 AM

Welcome to Passions in Prose!

Powerful work we have here. The downward spiral need not continue though.

------------------
Now and forever my heart hears ~one voice~.
DreamEvil©

Christopher

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-02

Posts 8296
Purgatorial Incarceration

2 posted 1999-09-21 03:31 PM

I echo the welcome, and what a powerful piece you have provided us!
Well done and do please continue!
(PS- I'll spare you the endless debates about guilt and life!)

[This message has been edited by Christopher (edited 09-21-1999).]

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