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Villages
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Villages |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
The village far into the desert grows restless. Their huts overflow with themselves and nothing. They are unfed, unclothed, untaught -- children are heavy underfoot. We send our watchers to determine the power of distress. The grand ones of the desert village gather often to speak in serious, often loud, voices. Change and time teeter on the brink. Another village flourishes in the forest. They thrive on overabundance, have spacious huts, few inhabitants, and are unselfish ... but the desert village has urgent needs that require more than can easily be agreed upon. We who live honestly but without excess in our modest middle village between desert and forest must now sharpen our view of the shortening horizon. We must learn beyond what we know of friendship, alignment, and ownership. We must grow larger in ways we do not yet understand. |
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jenni Member
since 1999-09-11
Posts 478Washington D.C. |
marq-- why not take a stab at describing how we must "grow larger"? you say "We must learn beyond what we know / of friendship, alignment, and ownership," but this is all pretty vague. what does any of it mean? your set-up is kind of thin as it is; here's the poor starving desert people who don't have enough, here's the rich forest people who have too much, and here's the nice "modest" people in the middle, but the poem just doesn't go anywhere. what the poem comes down to more or less is "there's poverty and hunger in the world, we should do something about it." well, yes. but what? "learn beyond" frienship, alignment, ownership? what the heck does THAT mean? and how would the "modest" people learning beyond friendship, alignment and ownership solve anything anyway? the "modest" people have neither too much nor too little, you say; the obvious solution would be for the forest people to give up some things, but, even though they are unselfish, they can't seem to agree on what to do. how would any change in the way the "modest" people think about friendship, alignment and ownership make any difference? am i missing something here? doesn't change need to come from the forest people? or are the "modest" people going to force this change on the forest people, redefine "ownership", take some of what the forest people have and give it to the desert people? do you foresee any problems with that? are the "modest" people supposed to lead by example? why would the forest people follow their lead? are the "modest" people supposed to effect political change? how? obviously, nobody has any solutions for the problems you describe, and i'm not saying you should lay out detailed policy proposals. but saying we must "learn beyond" things and "grow larger in ways we do not yet understand" seems like empty sophistry to me. one thing i did like about the piece was the conceit of the different villages, and the phrase "[we] must now sharpen our view / of the shortening horizon", i thought this worked well with the oft-heard notion that we live in a "global village." i just think you could find a better way to dramatize the problems you describe, and maybe make it a little less didactic unless you have something to say that's new, interesting, or inspirational. ok, i'll shut up now. jenni [This message has been edited by jenni (edited 06-20-2000).] |
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warmhrt Senior Member
since 1999-12-18
Posts 1563 |
Marq, I agree with jenni about clarifying some points, but even left as is, the reader can form his/her own perceptions, and they would receive the same message. I read it twice, staying on a smaller than global scale, although I know that interpretation is more apt. I thought of our country, our two political parties, and then those who are too busy trying to make it from day to day, with poor education, thus little interest in the politics which run this nation. I liked this, found it thought-provoking, although I think it could use a little honing, which would only make it better. Thanks for the read, Kris the poet's pen...gives to airy nothing A local habitation and a name ~ Shakespeare |
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Elyse Member
since 2000-04-16
Posts 414Apex (think raleigh) NC |
hi marq! i really liked how you describe the desert villiage. and i like "change and time/teeter on the brink" i think also the more interesting thing to explore might be the fighting of the unselfish forrest dwellers. i agree that as the middle people are decribed having just enough and no more, they really have no lattitude to effect change. perhaps instead of involving the middle people, you could explore the disagreeing of the forrest people, apply the view sharpening and growing to them, maybe a sort of back and forth debate type thing might be good. i dunno, just a thought. luv Elyse |
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Marq Member
since 1999-10-18
Posts 222 |
Thank you Jenni, Warmhrt, and Elyse, for your responses. I thought they were all very intelligent and very helpful. This poem is simply an allegory about people caught in the middle, which is obviously most of us. I offer no solutions because there are no solutions. It is intentionally open ended. It may be stating the obvious but I think it's stating the obvious in an interesting original way. I may look at this poem again in another year or two but as it is now I'm pretty happy with it the way it is. If I'm a better writer in a year or two maybe I'll want to change it then. |
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Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I really enjoyed this for the first three stanzas but the last two left me dangling. You give a personality to the desert village but the other two are left as 'modest' or 'unselfish'. I think you need three personalities here, not just one. The rest of the poem moves into abstraction and as others have mentioned doesn't go anywhere. But I liked the beginning. Perhaps, because the beginning is so strong the let down at the end is even more magnified. Just an opinion, Brad |
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