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Alive in the darkness
| Critical Analysis #1 |
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Alive in the darkness |
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Vicki New Member
since 1999-09-29
Posts 3 |
I need help with this one please. Living in the darkness is the only place I've ever lived. Always wishing to be amongst the stars. Never wanting to be where I am, sitting around staring at all of the blank faces. Always dreaming their hopeless dreams. I'm constantly reaching into the empty spaces, trying to grab onto all of the hopes and wishes. Never able in the vast darkness find their way back to the mind they call home. Looking and feeling around to find the powerfull dreams. Wanting to one-day find that one that will light up the dark and dreary haze that covers our vision. Still another day goes by, and again I say living in the darkness is the only place I've ever lived. |
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| © Copyright 1999 Vicki - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Trevor Senior Member
since 1999-08-12
Posts 700Canada |
Hello Vicki, here are my thoughts on your poem, please, please remember that this is only an opinion and not an attack of any kind. It's my opinion that the darkness-light analogy has been done far tooooo many times in comparison to the years that this galaxy has been around. "Living in the darkness is the only place I've ever lived." Ok beginning in fact I was expecting more from the poem as a whole because of it. "Always wishing to be amongst the stars." Kind of an overdone type of line isn't it? "Never wanting to be where I am, sitting around staring at all of the blank faces." Ok line...kind of interesting. "Always dreaming their hopeless dreams." What are their hopeless dreams? Please elaborate because I am not a "their". "I'm constantly reaching into the empty spaces, trying to grab onto all of the hopes and wishes." If the space is empty how can their be hopes and wishes within it???? And what are the hopes and wishes?? "Never able in the vast darkness find their way back to the mind they call home. Looking and feeling around to find the powerfull dreams." "Vast darkness" isn't a very descriptive phrase, I like the "mind they call home" part....."feeling around to find the powerful dreams", What are powerful dreams?(did you spell powerful "powerfull" intentionaly? Not bad if you did). Is "powerful" a powerful word?? "Wanting to one-day find that one that will light up the dark and dreary haze that covers our vision." They old dark-light analogy again.... "Still another day goes by, and again I say living in the darkness is the only place I've ever lived." I found this to be an anti-climatic ending...perhaps instead of re-stating your first line, leave the reader with something new to think about??? Just an opinion, not a bad poem but I think it could use revision. Thanks for the read and take care, Trevor |
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