»
Archives
»
Critical Analysis #1
»
Death at the Door
| Critical Analysis #1 |
|
Death at the Door |
|
|
PartiStarks Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 38Brooklyn, NY |
Death is knocking, at my front door Scared, I tremble, "Please knock no more!" Now, chills are running, up my spine Grab the flask, but there is no wine Nothing present to calm this stress In the den's, my bullet proof vest Vest is on, no longer perturb KNOCK, KNOCK, again, just lost my nerve "Leave!!!" I cry, shivering with fear Under the bed's, my bow and spear KNOCK, KNOCK, silence, KNOCK, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM Frightend, I dash to the bedroom All geared up, bow, arrow and vest Inhale deep, there's pain in my chest Body, plunges, onto the floor Worldly existance, is no more My life's passing, I'm almost dead My eyes roll back, inside my head But no one entered, took my last breath...... I've just been scared TO DEATH OF DEATH (Please let me know how you feel about this poem and what you think I'm trying to express. I am open for suggestions) ------------------ [This message has been edited by PartiStarks (edited 08-26-99).] [This message has been edited by PartiStarks (edited 09-01-99).] [This message has been edited by PartiStarks (edited 09-01-99).] [This message has been edited by PartiStarks (edited 10-22-1999).] |
||
| © Copyright 1999 PartiStarks - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
CrAyZeD Junior Member
since 1999-08-03
Posts 45 |
That was really good wow |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
You got me. I've read so much stuff that seemed so serious and I fully expected this one to be so. I laughed out loud at the end. Thank you very, very much. Brad |
||
|
PartiStarks Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 38Brooklyn, NY |
Thank you both. |
||
|
Brad Member Ascendant
since 1999-08-20
Posts 5705Jejudo, South Korea |
I think this is a good comic poem. I think we need more comic poetry. What does anybody else think? Brad |
||
|
rachana.s Member
since 1999-09-16
Posts 55madras,tamil nadu,India |
this is good. I even took a print out and showed my boss. He liked it too. you've done this very well rachi |
||
|
hoot_owl_rn Member Patricius
since 1999-07-05
Posts 10750Glen Hope, PA USA |
I found this a funny, easy read. Just a few things to even out the flow a bit...I took the liberty of a few nips and tucks to show you what I mean: Death is knocking, at my front door Scared, I tremble, "Please knock no more!" Now, chills are running, up my spine I grab the flask, but there's no wine Nothing present to calm this stress In the den's, my bullet proof vest Vest is on, no longer perturb KNOCK, KNOCK, again, just lost my nerve "Leave!!!" I cry, shivering with fear Under the bed's, my bow and spear KNOCK, KNOCK, silence, KNOCK, BOOM, BOOM, BOOM, Frightened, I dash to the bedroom All geared up, bow, arrow and vest Inhale deep, there's pain in my chest Body, plunges, onto the floor Worldly existence is no more My life's passing, I'm almost dead My eyes roll back inside my head But no one entered, took my last breath...... I've just been scared TO DEATH OF DEATH |
||
|
Systematic Decay Senior Member
since 1999-09-15
Posts 1301That place with padded walls and funny people in white......... |
While this one was funny, I also think I interpreted the message that when you live in fear of death, your fear can often send you into a death of sorts...be it emotional or literal. (Am I right here?) I really liked this one. For the most part, it flowed smoothly, and the last line does a really good job at closing the poem, that's often a difficult thing to do. All in all, very good job.  ------------------ "Despite all my rage, I am still just a rat in a cage." -Billy Corgan- |
||
|
PartiStarks Junior Member
since 1999-07-31
Posts 38Brooklyn, NY |
Thank you all so very much. hoot owl rn, I took your advice. Special thanks to you. Systematic Decay, you are on the right track here!!! Some people are so terrified of dying, they send themselves to an early grave. [This message has been edited by PartiStarks (edited 10-22-1999).] |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||