Effjayel’s Birthday

Ol’ Eff was getting ready for his birthday bash last night
He wanted to be sure that his appearance was just right
Looking for his dentures he could see that they weren’t there
In the cup where they should be, poor Effie found his hair

Finally he found his teeth and grabbed his dental cream
He spread it on and slipped them in but then he gave a scream
A tube of Preparation H was in his hand; alas
What was the cream he’d earlier spread on his aching a$$?

He found out much later when he made a bathroom trip
Now Eff can tell you why that cream is known as Polygrip
Eff rejoined the party when he heard his wife call “Honey!”
But he would not tell anyone why he was walking funny

His brother asked what gifts he’d like upon his special day
Eff just wanted clothes to wear and a game that he could play
So when he opened up his gift he gave out a loud shout
He’d gotten brand new blue jeans with the pockets all cut out

Then it was time to open up the gift from his dear wife
Something to go with the jeans to brighten up his life
Inside he found a bottle, which gave his heart a thrill
‘Cause when he popped it open, out rolled a small blue pill

Before his wife could say a word, he swallowed it right down
But then his sweetie told him she was going out of town
So it was that poor ol’ Eff found out by happenstance
Just why there were no pockets in his brand new pair of pants

But his brother didn’t know just what a loser Eff would be
When he received a call that night and heard ole Effie plea
His bro’ was so embarrassed that poor Eff was such a fool
When he heard him crying ‘cause he’d lost his game of pocket pool