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Open Poetry #41
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2007-08-11 07:54 PM


These cold stones were wrought as this:
they pattern, prettily the eye.
As such, they prove hypothesis--
the antithetic paradigm.
Order, as innerviate
("art" is so inconsequent)
I roll my eyes, a pair of dice.
"The word" as wisdom and the price
for comfort - it's the sacrifice
paid so that I can sleep nights.

Rows of marble hewn to ease
the heavy foot of gravity
compounded by complexity:
symbolic - commonality.

We plant each other like we're...seed.
As if redemption were tidy.
The very meat of us denied
the scavengers which feed on truth.

Grief is a corpse upon the backs
of those who trespass on the suits
of memory rolled in the sweet
herbs and linens we decree
in the stead of loving arms--
and rosaries are clenched in stiff
hands to keep ridiculous
superstitious thoughts of "harm"
that plague us only in the flesh...

plastic flowered words unsaid

watered by the rivulets
pouring without cease from eyes
and the pounding judge of mind
without mercy, justified,
as finally we live the now
in envy, awe, and fear of death.

[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (08-11-2007 09:19 PM).]

© Copyright 2007 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
iliana
Member Patricius
since 2003-12-05
Posts 13434
USA
1 posted 2007-08-11 10:46 PM


"We plant each other like we're...seed.
As if redemption were tidy.
The very meat of us denied
the scavengers which feed on truth."

Jaw droppingly profound, Ser!

"Plastic flowered words unsaid" -- just *hugs* honey........jojo

secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
2 posted 2007-08-11 11:07 PM


MUCH grand imagery and fine
‘food for thought’ in this
important  ‘write’!

As a geologist and ‘Deep-Time’
Universalist, I am especially
quite fond of:

“cold stones…prov(ing)
the antithetic paradigm”

[I don't think most folks
would wish to know exactly
which ('crutch') paradigms
  have likely been disproven
  nor what (antithetically)
  still stands!];

AND:

“the heavy foot of gravity
compounded by complexity(!)”

as well as the ending:

“finally we live the now
in envy, awe, and fear of death.”

one tiny, humble question:
what is ‘innerviate’ in line #: 5?

serious, sustained applause!!

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2007-08-11 11:18 PM


heyyyyyy

"innerviate"

"innerve" to provoke, but as used in context here, I hoped to deliberately provoke to think of thing into being...



But I wanted to explain, and say thanks to you both!

Love to all, with my humblest gratitude.


secondhanddreampoet
Member Ascendant
since 2006-11-07
Posts 6394
a 'Universalist' !
4 posted 2007-08-11 11:26 PM


EXCELLENT!
The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
5 posted 2007-08-12 01:41 AM



yes Karen

"We plant each other like we're...seed.
As if redemption were tidy."


Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
6 posted 2007-08-12 07:45 AM


like the samurai folding his silk
the final time, you have found the creases
in my mind here...enjoyed it ms

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2007-08-14 07:03 PM


thanks for reading

Love to all

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
8 posted 2007-08-22 12:14 PM


plastic flowered words unsaid

watered by the rivulets
pouring without cease from eyes

I'm supposed to attend a memorial service this weekend... only it seems more hurting than healing and I'm wondering why I bow to the dictates of rituals?? I guess they're all that's left...

Superb, thought-provoking write, my friend!

aziza
Member Elite
since 2006-07-09
Posts 2995
Lumpy Oatmeal makes me Crazy!
9 posted 2007-08-22 12:52 PM



Anything I say after reading your poem, Karen, almost sounds superficial to me.

I saved it.

A

Allysa
Deputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 5 Tours
Senior Member
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden
10 posted 2007-08-22 01:26 PM


Amazing, as always m'lady.
Susan Caldwell
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-12-27
Posts 8348
Florida
11 posted 2007-08-22 02:02 PM


read this before and took some time to "absorb" what I took from it...

  

I decided I wouldn't share my thoughts...but rather tell you how completely compelling and thought provoking your words were for me..

but most of all they always seem to scream a truth that we all get/understand regardless of what level we are reading from at the time..

  

"too bad ignorance isn't painful"
~Unknown~

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

12 posted 2007-08-22 06:36 PM


smile

I wanted to say thank you, and some of you might know I had sent this one over to C/A saying the response here was "tepid". I owe you all an apology--you guys are always generously supportive of me and I appreciate that so much.

I think it's just me who's "tepid" about this one--I read it and it's just...um, passionless and not quite the conversation I was having in my head. But maybe I did achieve part of what I was aiming at, and that was the restraint of emotion and posturing--I just like something is missing.

But I sure do thank you all for your warmth, especially when I visit the 'cold places'.

Love and gratitude to you all.

thanks again

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