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Open Poetry #41
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| Open Poetry #41 |
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Work in progress |
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Bronzeage Member
since 2007-07-20
Posts 197
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I'm working on this and would appreciate any commments, especially on any spots that do not flow well or trip the tongue. It will probably be twice this length when finished. The wind on her back softly calmed the waves and hushed all sounds of a crystaline sea, rubbing its face, catlike over wet sand under her feet as her clothes dropped away, discards, soon forgotten, to wade naked with warm salt water slicing through her thighs and ripple over her belly till she leaned into the water, kicked and cut loose the last tie binding to our solid realm. Called from the shore by breakers in the dark, she swam on the tide, over glassy swells, scissor kicking up angry phosphor flares to mark the surface with eddies of stars, fading like distant shore lights behind her. Carried on warm salt currents, bumped and rolled by quick silver fish and benign mantas, |
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| © Copyright 2007 Bron Zeage - All Rights Reserved | |||
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bel1e Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631 |
this is rich in visuals and more: "catlike over wet sand under her feet as her clothes dropped away, discards, soon forgotten, to wade naked with warm salt water slicing through her thighs" tactile desciptions~~~ much enjoyed~ |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
A vivid rendering of the touch of the sea. Warm and wild. |
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Midnitesun
since 2001-05-18
Posts 28647Gaia |
A captivating beginning, with rich imagery unfolding an interesting story. Please continue! |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
I am so enjoying reading your poetry. As for suggestions, I've none to give. I adore this as it is. |
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