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Vent with a question....

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rosepetals25
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0 posted 06-05-2004 09:57 AM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

I have to vent and the feelings forum seemed like a good place.  It will probably sound like one big pity me post or something.  I don't mean it to sound like that.  I know everyone has problems.  You have been warned *chuckles*

First, how do you stay positive?  It sounds like a lame question, but I would really like to know.  I have always tried to be positive in thinking.  I try not to give up hope, tell myself that things will be okay in the end, and everything has a reason for happening.  I'll turn 30 July 2, and let me tell ya... that positive outlook stuff is running thin.  For 30 years I have been telling myself not to give up... one day things will be better.  They really haven't.  

The past 2 or 3 years have been just unbelievable and they aren't showing much room for improvement.  To give you a slight idea...  my family has fallen apart.. literally.  My Uncle Alex has been getting getting body parts removed, at least 2  a year, because he is so sick.  My Aunt Cindy (not his wife, another aunt) lost both her legs.  Recently I found out that she had a mild heart attack.  My grandmother had 2 or 3 strokes and passed away in Nov.  I was almost homeless from one apartment with my mother because the owners didn't want to accept a check from Red Cross.  I actually found a half decent job, but lost it because my mother and grandmother were both disabled and I just had to be there sometimes, which means I missed more days than were acceptable.  When I moved to TX a whole chunk of my family showed their true colors and I found out they really never could have loved me to think of me in the way they do.  

Right now, I'm trying to find a job, no one wants to hire me for some reason, I'm not sure why.  Dave is working 12 hour days for a cab company.  He has to pay the cab company $85 a day.  He is doing everything he can but people just aren't calling cabs.  So we are about $700 in debt to them.  If we turn in the car we have no transportation.  We have no money for the buses so even if he found another job he couldn't get to it.  We have literally been eating mac and cheese for about 3 months now.  

And that is just the past 2-3 years.. heh.  

Dave's family just runs him down and blames everything on him.  They don't care about the fact that he gets up at 5am in the morning and doesn't get home until 7:30 or 8pm at night.  That he is doing everything in his power to make this work.  I tried telling his mom about how hopeless he feels during one of her visits, and she just brushed it off.  Oh.. and made a comment about how if he wants to waste his life he can.  Nice maternal instints there huh?

His dad is just rude beyond belief. He has mental problems and doesn't have a proper sense of what is overboard.. or really, decent behavior.  You know that little filter people have.  The one that stops a REALLY rude and unacceptable comment that might pop into your mind from actaully escaping your lips?  Yeah, well he doesn't have that... at all.

His mom lives with her mom.. and we are living in her house free of charge... because we can't afford to go anywhere else.   So even though they deserve to be told a few things when they completely disrespect him and me, we can't really say anything. (I'm not a complete ... well, I can't say what to say so lets just say witch heh... I will always be grateful to his mother for letting us live here no matter what other opinions I might have of her at times)

His dad will be here anywhere between 2-4 times a week.  It will be 70 degrees in here and it will be to cold for him so he will just turn on the heat. Never mind the fact that HE DOES NOT live here and it will make the people that DO LIVE here uncomfortable.  He will make rude comments about things that he has no business making rude comments about because he has his OWN HOUSE to go too.

We can stand up for ourselves to a point.  The thing is, it's his mother's house.  She pretty well sticks with his father.. so if we would put our foot down and finally be stern about it, we would find ourselves without a home.  We can't do that until we get a place of our own which we can't do because we have no money.  That takes us back to the beginning of this vent heh.  It just seems to go in this circle of nothing.  

Dave is at the same point I am. Things have never worked out for either of us.  Our whole lives no matter how hard we have tried we just get kicked over and over.  Yes, we have had some good stuff... but it is so out weighed by the bad crap it's not even funny.  It really does just wear you done after awhile.  After 30 years of telling myself hold on.. it will get better... I really don't know if it will.  And that scares me, because I do not want 40 or 50 more years of this. I honestly don't know if I could live through 40 or 50 more years of this.

So.. my question is.. how do you stay hopeful and positive?  Please don't bring religion into it ... it doesn't work.  I know that might upset people, and some people will say “well there ya go.. let God into your heart yadda yadda”  I'm just going to stick with it doesn't work.  I mean no disrespect to religious beleifs and I'm glad if that works for some people. It just doesn't work for me.

Anything else you have throw it at me.


"There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness."    -Friedrich Nietzsche

[This message has been edited by Ron (06-05-2004 01:30 PM).]

Ringo
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1 posted 06-05-2004 04:13 PM       View Profile for Ringo   Email Ringo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Ringo

rose- It certainly sounds as if your life is challenging at the moment.

There is a term that I like to use whenever I am starting to slow down, or things are getting rough. That term is: Kinetic Energy.
Kinetic Energy is the scientific principal that states any object in motion tends to continue in motion. Turning your life and your thoughts into a scientific principal, believe it or not, helps... Let me explain:

You talked about how everything was going against you and how everything was bad, and about how everyone had nothing but ill things to say about you, and were just being non-supportive (except for your mother-in-law who allows you to live in her house). Well, that is fairly negative thinking. And since thoughts are things, by putting those things into motion, they tend to continue in motion, using the principal of Kinetic Energy. Since you seem to be focused on them, they tend to continue to move forward, and gain more strength as they move.

To counteract that, begin thinking about the good things in your life...

1)You HAVE a place to live, regardless of the conditions. Many families do not.

2)YOU have your health, and so does Dave. Your family seems not to, and many others do not.

3) You seem to have yoyur mental faculties together, whereas your father-in-law seems not to... and neither do many others.

4)You said you had a few nice things. I certainly don't have anything even half nice. My couch was given to me by  friend and it has mismatched cushions, I sleep on a single bed that is an old bunk bed that my kids used to use until they got new ones. My television is a 13 inch bedside thing that I put in the living room... You get the idea.

No, staying positive isn't easy. It is the absolute hardest thing you would ever have to do on a consistant basis. The human mind is designed to dwell and focus on the negative, and to see things through that light. By focusing on the positives in your life (the few that you do have) you will begin to see more of them, and by focusing on them, you will be able to see more, and so on, and so on, etc. Once the negative energy has begun to slow down and reverse itself, and the bright energy has begun to surface, things do get better, I promise.

As for crawling out of that hole... What about the State/County assistance office? It sounds like you would DEFINATELY qualify for housing assistance and such as that. There are places all over that are state subsidized housing where the rent is based off of your employment. I have a friend that lives in subsidized housing down the road here and they assistance office also helped her to get a car. It wasn't a new car, and- in fact- it is a pile of junk... however it runs fairly decently and it gets her to work. I'm sure your state would have similar programs. There are work programs for low income families upgrade their skills and help them find decent paying jobs.

Give the State a chance, and look them up. You never know what you might find.
Hope it helps

*Sending positive thoughtsand prayers*

Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again...
http://www.cmlb.net/ringo

kissa~rachelle
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2 posted 06-05-2004 04:20 PM       View Profile for kissa~rachelle   Email kissa~rachelle   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for kissa~rachelle

The only way i acn stay hopeful about things, is knowing that in a hundred years, i will have died, and will be in haeven, and everthing will be fine. I think evearything will work out for you, and if you dont want to pray about it, or dont beleive in it, i will praay for you. Maybe i am wrong. Maybe god Doesnt exist, but, welll too many of my prayers have been answerd, for me not to beleive.  You need to BELEIVE in something. What it is, is your decision. This is just what i thought, if you dont agree, that is fine. I have nothing against you, I know what it is like, to be doubtful, to not beleive. Please dont take any of what i have said offensively, or whatever. It is just how i feel. It is just how i feel, and well stay positive. If anything, listen to the first four and a half lines. ~lol~ I also agree with Ringo. If you really dont beleive in god, just focus on the positive things. It works.

Kissa


I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling
Midnitesun
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3 posted 06-05-2004 04:54 PM       View Profile for Midnitesun   Email Midnitesun   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Midnitesun

quote:
how do you stay hopeful and positive

Well, maybe you don't really have to 'stay' that way? I find I have to re-invent myself occasionally, and find something new to excite me. I will say this without any hesitation; get away from the two families, just you and Dave, no matter what it takes, and start something NEW just for the two of you. While some may think that is cold-hearted, I believe in your case its an absolute necessity. And yanno what? It doesn't necessarily get easier with time and distance. But since I am approaching 2x your age, I have discovered that life CAN and often does, begin well after 50. Find something you both love to do separately and also together, and focus your energies on those things rather than all the missing body parts. You can never make your family members whole, physically, or emotionally. I really believe the best most people can ever do is make ONE or perhaps TWO person(s) happy. If you succeed in that, your happiness will no doubt rub off onto those that surround you. If not? You cannot accept the blame.
Take care, and I hope to see you two both writing and posting again, as I've missed you! Hugs, Kacy
rosepetals25
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4 posted 06-06-2004 07:21 AM       View Profile for rosepetals25   Email rosepetals25   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for rosepetals25

Right now we are planning to Ebay whatever we can find and go to PA.  The main source of stress is his family and not being able to find any work. So we are going to go back to PA by bus with basically thing but 3 bags each and maybe 3 boxes that we are going to send up (if we can afford it).  We are going to stay with my sister for a month or 3 and hopefully start over.
Thank you for your thoughts Ringo I really do appreciate them.

As for his mom supporting us, letting us stay here is the ONLY way (and there are MANY strings attached to that).  I know that is a big way, and you are right, some people have no where to live.  So I am grateful for that,but (yes there is a but) she just got here yesterday.  I think the first condensending thing came out of her mouth about Dave within the first 40 min.  We went to get some food, because there was only rice here, and I found myself having to put my foot down when she again was putting down Dave.  I have been lucky in life to have an amazing mother.  We never had money, but I could tell her I wanted to spray paint myself green and move to the moon and she would support me full heartedly.  So it boggles my mind how his parents just expect the worse out of him.  It angers me that they so clearly let him know they think he is a failure and always will be a failure.

I am getting off topic though...

I will try to focus on the good things.. we do have a roof over our heads for now.  I do have a family that is willing to help us as we try to get to a positive place.  Good things have happened in the past (the only nice things we own is.. well.. this puter.  everything else is basically crap heh).  And we have each other. That is a very good thing.

kissa~rachelle, I'm not mad at all. If you want to pray for me go right ahead. One of my closest friends is a big believer, she goes to church Sundays and Wens and has been begging me for years to start going.  She always tells she prays for me.  I figure it can't hurt.  Thank you

Midnightsun thank you as well. As you can see by what I wrote up there.. we are gonna try to just start fresh.   It will involve my family.. but at least the emotional support will be there.  Once we can get on our feet, we will be on our own. I'm glad you stopped in. Thank you for reading and replying

I am posting a little bit more.  Dave.. won't be.  He has some major issues with this site... it happened 2 or 3 years ago.  He won't be back, but I will tell him you said hi and wished us luck.  If he does write anything, I will be sure to let you know where he posts it so you can take a look


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