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Really could use some good thoughts

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PhaerieChild
Senior Member
since 08-30-99
Posts 1829
Aloha, Oregon


0 posted 01-31-2002 01:18 PM       View Profile for PhaerieChild   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for PhaerieChild


Am having a real problem trying to keep it together. I am diabetic and my blood sugars are wildly out of control, even with insulin. My doctor here scares me to death because he keeps prescribing the wrong stuff and when I call him on it he gets huffy and offended. I made an appointment with another doctor for next week but still scared to take the meds that Dr. Cranky prescribed. My toe got infected and started to turn an interesting shade of black and he wanted to cut it off. Now it's an interesting shade of gray. Finally got some antibiotics and it's healing better, though I can't feel it. I cry all the time and really (absolutely, positively) hate this job I have, and my husband and son fight constantly, over really stupid stuff. They both act like 2 year olds. I feel like I'm the object of some kind of bizarre power play between them. Dr. Cranky gave me some stuff for high blood pressure. (Thanks!!! Another med bill!!) My youngest son (17) is in a group home cuz we can't stand each other. He doesn't want to live with me and the feelings are mutual. He likes to run off and get high with his gang banger friends and he is totally out of control. For the privilege of him living in this group home (that he keeps running away from) I get the dubious pleasure of paying 500.00 a month for his care. Now he's upset because I won't sign papers for him to get a driver's license. I figure since he won't grow up and act human, I don't think he needs a license. I don't think he needs to be behind the wheel of a 4000 pound bullet. I quit smoking in June and was doing real well til last week and couldn't take any more stress so bought some cigs and now I don't want to quit again cuz it makes me feel like I got something to hold on to. My husband thinks I'm suffering from clinical depression. I think I'm a quart low on estrogen. I just feel like the world is crashing all around me and I don't know if I'm sad or mad. I have suicidal thoughts that scare me to death as I've always considered myself to be fairly well adjusted. Now my whole thought processes are way out there and emotionally I'm a big messy puddle. I find it hard to get it together. Sorry for venting all of this but I could use some good thoughts right now. Sometimes I have found this place to be the best therapy.
amigo
Senior Member
since 10-12-2001
Posts 525
the earth school


1 posted 01-31-2002 01:53 PM       View Profile for amigo   Email amigo   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for amigo

My prayers and good thoughts are with you now. i know it is hard when you're not feeling well physically and the family situation doesn't seem to be helpful at all. i am glad you'll be seeing a new doc next week...i believe in prayers...they always give strength and show us directions...when things seem unclear as to why the things are the way they are, prayers are the only solution known to me...for, according to me, prayers are just for seeking....health, wealth, peace of mind anything and everything...even feeling thankful is the best prayer....have your hopes and hang in there, i am sure you'll start feeling better....take care, my friend....
Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 06-15-99
Posts 7276
Mobile, AL


2 posted 01-31-2002 04:26 PM       View Profile for Temptress   Email Temptress   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Temptress

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
I know..that probably won't help, but I truly do hope you will find some smiles, Dear Lady. PLEASE feel free to e-mail me whenever you need an ear or some eyes.

otherwise, God Bless You, and don't let Dr. Cranky intimidate you. Find a doctor you're comfortable with.

For all who watch.Dare you say hello? Come in and ask the questions that are on your mind, but spare me your judgement until you truly sipped of me.

Nan
Administrator
Member Seraphic
since 05-20-99
Posts 24426
Cape Cod Massachusetts USA


3 posted 01-31-2002 09:24 PM       View Profile for Nan   Email Nan   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Nan's Home Page   View IP for Nan

Everyone has their own 'pile' of stress.  Yours is a deep one for sure.  It's pretty important that you prioritize your 'stuff' - and from the sounds of your health, you'd best do it soon.

You have pressures coming from every direction.  You can't control them all.  You've made some good decisions about your son, I'd say.  Perhaps your husband can take some of the burden from you while you concentrate upon yourself for a bit.  It's important that you do that - and you know this... I'm sure of it..

You're right to question your doctor.  It sounds like you've been diabetic for some time, if you're not healing well.  

Four of my five offspring/munchkins are diabetic - I know from whence you speak.  We're fortunate to have the Joslin Clinic right here in Boston.  I don't know what facilities you have in Idaho, but it seems to me that this has to be your number one priority.  Without your health, you have no way to control the rest of the imbalance in  your life.  You may need to do a brief stay in the hospital to regulate.  Don't say that you can't afford to take the time for that.  You can't afford NOT to.  If your blood sugars are out of control, you're likely spilling keytones... right?...  You NEED a new assessment and perhaps a new doctor.  

When my first child became diabetic 25 years ago, her pediatric doctor was convinced that he could handle her case independently - without sending her to Joslin... I listened to him for about a year.  It just didn't feel right - so I took her anyway - and I haven't regretted it to this day.

Think of yourself.  Take care of YOU.  You can't help your family until you do.  The emotional stress you're feeling may even be affected by your imbalance...

Geesh - Have I ranted enough yet?.. I guess you've touched upon an issue that's pretty relevant to me...

Please take care of yourself?... Please?... Everything else will fall into place..
Fading Away
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 03-14-2001
Posts 4302
Lynchburg, Virginia


4 posted 02-01-2002 11:40 PM       View Profile for Fading Away   Email Fading Away   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Fading Away

PIP is wonderful for therapy... but, unforturnately, things are never that easy.  If everyone could just have a good vent, write everything out, and be on their way, happy as ever as if nothing ever happened, then this world would be very pain-free.

Sounds like you're up to your neck in things you shouldn't be dealing with.  That can send anyone over the edge, and I think you knew that eventually it would do the same to you.

Seeing a counselor, a therapist, someone isn't a bad thing.  I've learned the hard way that seeing someone doesn't make you weak or crazy.  In fact, admitting that just having someone to talk to would help makes you a stronger person.

Consider therapy.  You never know... it could do wonders for your soul

And until then, please take care of yourself.  You're in my prayers, and I hope that God blesses you in every way He can.

(((((((hugs)))))))

Take care.  

--Marie

I wish your fingers could touch all I can't say... no one should ever feel this alone.

Munda
Member Elite
since 10-08-1999
Posts 3629
The Hague, The Netherlands


5 posted 02-02-2002 05:56 AM       View Profile for Munda   Email Munda   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Munda's Home Page   View IP for Munda

Please listen to Nan and take care of your health first and everything else will fall into place...

I have been diagnosed diabetic myself 2 years ago. Unfortunately another doctor completely missed the high blood sugar level in my blood result 2 years earlier. Now that I get proper medical treatment I feel much better and - looking back - understand why I felt so terrible before. Diabetes does not only have physical effects, but also causes a change in your moods if not controlled. I remember I couldn't cope with stress situations like I could before and it seemed everything in my life went wrong. Before I could deal with one situation, something else already happend and at long last it felt as if I was carrying the world upon my shoulders. What I didn't know of course is that the high blood sugars caused a change in my emotions, but then the stress caused high blood sugars, so you see, I got locked up in a circle I could not explain and started every day extrememly tired, wondering why everything and everybody was ganging up on me. Also it worried me I had turned into this person who wasn't really me. Who was this woman going out of her mind only because the kids argued over something stupid? Who was it crying over little things I normally wouldn't give a second thought? Now that I keep a diet and get medication I feel much better. The best part is I recognize myself again and can handle life - with all its ups and downs - as I always could. It may sound silly, but by getting the proper medical treatment, I got my life back!

What I'm going to say next may sound very harsh and I pray I'm not offending - or scaring - you. You're body is showing some serious effects and your doctor may be right you'll lose that toe, but please, please, do seek - even insist - on proper medical treatment! You may lose a toe, but you'll get back your life and all the beauty with it. I have no idea about the medical system in the U.S.A., but I'm sure it will be expensive, but ... you're worth it! YOU are important!

Nan is right you know... Please take care of yourself?... Please?... Everything else will fall into place...

((((((((((BIG HUG))))))))))

catalinamoon
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 06-03-2000
Posts 9897
The Shores of Alone


6 posted 02-02-2002 10:16 PM       View Profile for catalinamoon   Email catalinamoon   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit catalinamoon's Home Page   View IP for catalinamoon

Hi, just sending some happy thoughts out to you. I understand family stresses and health problems though mine are different. It sometimes feels insurmountable. I agree that you have to get a GOOD doctor, one that you have a good rapport with, that knows what she is doing. Then work on the other stuff. Too much at once, and it feels too hard.
Good luck, I wish I could help more.
Sandra
 
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