First of all, big hugs to you. It's hard to lose so many people, under any circumstances. It's normal to feel sad and confused when people you know take their lives. I'd encourage you to maybe talk to someone in your life about it, maybe even a professional, if you feel you need it. I'm so glad that you came to us with these feelings, and we will always listen to you, but there are some things that people in your real life can do for you that we can't... but I'll do whatever possible to help you. Feel free to e-mail me with anything you need, or with any discussions you feel wouldn't be appropriate to post here.
"Men judge generally more by the eye than by the hand, for everyone can see and few can feel."-Machiavelli