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Gabriel Frost
Member

since 2002-08-15

Posts 216
Between midnight thoughts

0 posted 2006-10-27 04:33 PM

03.11.04

I stood there over him,
as the sunlight bathed my face,
his eyes fixed ahead,
locked in stady gaze,
into nowhere.
The moonless night had passed,
and he stayed with me,
never leaving,
just to see one last day.
He trusted me,
he trusted that if he held out,
just long enough; i'd make it alright.
He somehow thought,
That if he could just see my face,
In daylight, everything would be okay.
I always did make everything ok.
And as i stared into his cofee coloured eyes,
I could see him waiting, expecting;
My next miracle.
I brushed my hand on his face,
Trembling fingers sought to imprint,
His nose, his mouth, his lips,
Into my memory.

It was not a time for tears,
The bright new day I had promised him,
Was here. It did come.
Yet it was unmistakable, the impending gloom,
For in this bright new day,
My eyes darted to his heaving chest,
To see that he was still breathing,
And I couldn't help but ask myself
Why did he look like yesterday....and even worse.
I could feel my face tight,
Lips stretched across it,
Locked into a deadenned frown.
And slowly, i saw the bloody water,
Trickling from him,
Running slow, collecting itself in a pool,
Painting the day red with sorrow.
I clasped his chest, as if to pump his heart with my bare hands,
I swear i would. I swear it.
While he only looked at me,
Raising his head from time to time,
To see my face.

He still believed...and so he fought,
He knew i'd save him,
There was nothing i couldn't save him from.
I felt the stinging sun,
Spit its heat down on me,
As it pitied my futility.
I just wanted him to hold on till eight,
I told him,
That if he made it till eight,
I'd get him help,
Knowing, that the transportation would not come,
Till eight thirty.
Yet, i had to keep him awake.
Once more, fluid began to run,
From his dark,chiseled nose,
And i could only stroke his face,
And watch.

We should have stayed in jerningham avenue.
It would have never come to this.
I took him from our home with me,
When it was my troubles that chased us out.
Now I stood there regretting every decision i had ever made.
No words. Just tears...and blood.
The Doctor said yesterday that he should make it.
And eight was coming slowly, that we could see him again.
I could barely see his chest moving,
And his eyes would not move,
He stopped raising his head,
But he breathed.
And suddenly, the birds stopped chirping,
I couldn't feel the sun,
And even the tears that burned through my eyes,
Felt numb.
"Hold on..."i whispered in his ear.
"You'll make it, and we'll go somewhere,
Far from this place. We'll both be happy, you just hold on."
"I love you"

I could see his whole body move with one, deep breath.
And he let out a piercing cry....
He was going; and he didnt want to go
He wasn't ready to leave me.
He never wanted to be away...
He knew i'd always return.
But this time,
He knew leaving would mean never coming back.
I fell to my knees,
And another deep breath he took,
and cried again,
and again
and again,
In quick succession....
My whole body trembled, as he cried his way to death...
I could see the parasites leaving him,
This god forsaken place was the cause of it all...
And as i touched him,
The coldness of his face,
and the stillness of his body,
His face, non animated...
Signalled death.
Still he cried,
softer,
softer,
soon, his cry turned to an in audable whimper,
And i could see his breath,
Forcing its way through his throat,
But with no sound.
Now, his breaths were slow and forced,
One every few seconds,
Then a pause,
And another breath...
and a pause,

then another,

and a pause...

I stared at his chest...
Seeing it moving in my mind's eye,
But my hands felt only stillness,
I stayed there.. looking....looking...
Looking for the life that left as he opened his mouth,
And became still.
His eyes never closed,...waiting.

Waiting.

For me.

Then even more fluid,
Left his nose,
Much more than before.
And i knew it had began,
The sureness of the end.
The flies around us,
Made him, unmistakably dead.
Gone.
And so, took off my white, tear sodden, cotton vest,
And covered his face.
For i would not remember him dead,
I had failed him.
Days before i knew that something was wrong,
And he trusted only my judgement,
All the way to his death.
Never more loyal,
Never more faithful,
Now i must bear the stain, of his absence.
I just touched the only thing i ever bought him,
There around his neck,
And looked at the shovel,
It dared me to take it up.
And i had to.
There was no one else.

Now i, must bear the stain of his absence,
None more loyal,
None more faithful.

I love you.

Rest in peace.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

1 posted 2006-10-27 05:24 PM

Your pain for this loss is so powerfully rendered.
But he knew, they always know!
Being there for him while he moved on was a gift to both, after all.

Great work, had me captured.

Love,
Margherita

Midnitesun