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Open Poetry #37
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Brio Dash
| Open Poetry #37 |
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Brio Dash |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina 
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Brio Dash Life without pain Must be a pain to live. For without Dis appointment And Dis traction Nothing is worth it. No matter how Dis tant you may think you are. Nothing will throw you into Dis array more than your Dis integrating Reality. Not you, You are not alone. I tell you the truth. So don’t live your lie Until you sink into the g r o u n d. Momma says, "Life... is like a box full of chocolates, you never know when you're gonna get one with a nut in it". |
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| © Copyright 2006 Edward Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
I looked up brio to make sure I knew what it meant: bri·o> n. Vigor; vivacity: “She tells their story with brio and a mixture of sympathy and tart insight” (Michiko Kakutani). Your poetry always leads me to unexpected paths of thought. I'll be thinking about this message for a long time. I usually do not critique unless I know someone very well, but since you have encouraged it, I'll hold my breath and hope you don't take offense when I suggest the following: I do admire the construction and I applaud the dis jointed parts for emphasis and layered meaning, but in my humble opinion, the sinking ground is not necessary for emphasis, and it is a bit distracting. (And I have used the same sort of ending, but it was a cutesy sort of poem--and I think this message is a tad more serious than mine.) But on the whole, I will be thinking about this one for some time. You see? I am one who has spent a lifetime running from pain--and the result is that I have done more injury to myself than that with which I had to cope initially. (I hope that made sense--shaking my head and smiling--sometimes it's better to just split the infinitive, huh?  )Much enjoy your work Ed Grim.  |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
Whilst Serenity Blaze is a far better poet than I can ever aspire to be, and whilst I value her opinions immensely, I don't always agree with her. For the record, I rather liked the sinking ground and the dis jointed words, but that doesn't mean I am right. I liked the content of your poem as well. - Owl |
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RedStoneEB Senior Member
since 2003-06-08
Posts 772uk |
Makes me wonder if someone was to teach someone pain was good and no pain that would be the happy feeling was bad would they be able to seek and cope with pain more? |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Life without pain Must be a pain to live. Perhaps. *S* But I'd sure like to try it for a while... just for comparison's sake. *G* I like this very much... Excellent write! |
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Edward Grim Senior Member
since 2005-12-18
Posts 1154Greenville, South Carolina |
Thanks for the advice serenity. I can definitely see your point with the ground thing. I've really never done that in a poem before so I was taking it for a test drive. I looked it over and I think you may be right, it does sort of take away from the message. Thanks Owl, thanks for the support. I like the "Ground concept" and think I may use it on another occasion. Thanks again. That's a good question Redstone. They probably wouldn't be able to cope. I know what you mean suthern. Let me tell you, I tried a life with no pain for a while a.k.a. vacation. Trust me it always comes back, lol. I'm glad you liked it. Thanks Thanks everybody for all you great replies. Cheers - Ed Momma says, "Life... is like a box full of chocolates, you never know when you're gonna get one with a nut in it". |
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