The Dream within the heart of a Hopeless Romantic

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Open Poetry #34

The Dream within the heart of a Hopeless Romantic

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

0 posted 2004-10-31 11:25 PM

A dream within the heart of a Hopeles Romantic

I sat
surrounded by a rose tinted haze
in a meadow of tall grass
with blades
that faded from emerald
to topaz
as they reached for the sun
clouds hovered
in familiar shapes
in a sunset sky
brilliant pinks and oranges
played upon the feathered clouds
humming birds
hummed chorus' of songs
aboutlove's unlikely plight
for they hadn't memorized
the words.
a shadow stood
against the lone
mighty oak tree
wacthing an intoxicating
sunset.

was it you?

Evening faded
transisted to night
colors became
equal to one another
as i laid
silken moon strands
played gently across my face
while stars kept me warm
the shadow became
among the wind
and stood above me.

was it you?
have you come to save or destroy me?

Sun rays arrived
ending a premature night
gray shees ended
the sun
floods poured forth
from invisible mouths
and forced me to the oak
a woman stood
in irridescent splendor
wearing bright pink
to upset a dismal day
and jeans
low on the hip
hair as water
flowed down her shoulder
as low eyes
and bright smile
stopped the rain.
my smile
had finally been
brought forth
from a frowning
exterior.

it was you.
you came to save me.

(a poem that i wrote throughout the day. i hope you enjoy)

nice use of muffin

[This message has been edited by Don_Juan (11-01-2004 12:06 AM).]

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2004-10-31 11:52 PM

Ah, Don...
you encourage critique...
I would love to see you repair this
with spell check and such
for I was falling in like with it
until the bumps and bruises
of misspells and that which took away
from the positive beauty of your thoughts...

I do hope you will do a rewrite, for another forum, perhaps Critique, soon...

it has a LOT of promise.

Don_Juan
Member

since 2004-04-08

Posts 252
Far from where I am going

2 posted 2004-11-01 12:08 PM

thanks for the critique. it seems a few of my keys were sticking as i typed this. i fixed the spelling errors as well

nice use of muffin

ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis

since 2002-02-22

Posts 9353
Michigan, USA

3 posted 2004-11-01 08:38 AM

Loved this!
TD

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