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Open Poetry #32
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Under Construction
| Open Poetry #32 |
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Under Construction |
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Kandi Member
since 2000-06-14
Posts 354North of Hell |
Under Construction I found my childhood world in the bottom left drawer of my dusty old desk. I dumped it out on the floor, burying my blue carpet under construction paper memories. The one-winged black bird rested on a blue cloud that was far from fluffy. They lay in awkward silence next to a bright pile of perfect 8x10s, lonely from lack of use because nobody likes orange. The clumsy cut-out yellow sun landed among the Jones family, four 2-dimensional figures with purple hair and perfect teeth hidden beneath thin red lines or...lips? I forgot to let them smile. Why did the grass turn brown? Those ugly, jagged strips 3 inches long- they lay now dead and wrinkled under a heart-shaped void in a faded red scrap. Nearby, the scissors lay quietly, its handles wide-eyed and innocent but its blades still dripping. That’s what I get for mixing red with green. I stare at the scrambled scene and wonder when and where my world went wrong. I contemplate rearranging the flattened pink flowers, taking out the stupid bird, making the Jones a lifeless little dog. But reconstruction could take awhile, so I reach for that lonely orange pile and start folding cones. |
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| © Copyright 2004 Kristin - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Duncan Member Ascendant
since 2001-08-07
Posts 5455 |
"The one-winged black bird rested on a blue cloud that was far from fluffy. They lay in awkward silence next to a bright pile of perfect 8x10s, lonely from lack of use because nobody likes orange. The clumsy cut-out yellow sun landed among the Jones family, four 2-dimensional figures with purple hair and perfect teeth hidden beneath thin red lines or...lips? I forgot to let them smile." Some really vivid images and effective progression. I love good last lines and I'd buy "I forgot to let them smile" from ya...  |
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Susan Member Ascendant
since 2004-03-27
Posts 5104walking the surreal |
interesting concept, your life falling from a drawer. I've a number of drawers filled with a number of lives. Makes one think . . Enjoyed the read. Susan |
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Ambee New Member
since 2004-05-03
Posts 5 |
I really like the way you used the childhood imagery to bring this person alive. The ending was excellent! Great job... |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
too bad we have to grow up sooner or later |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
Wow... sticking this one into my library... so much of this is pure magic! |
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J.Samm Member
since 2004-01-12
Posts 415Iloilo City, Philippines |
the words just flowed...elegantly and almost leisurely...i loved your theme,childhood is such a good thing to write about, and you gave justice to it...  |
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