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Open Poetry #31
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ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

0 posted 2004-03-17 03:50 AM



With three ex-wives expelled from mind.
In sullen space he loomed and moped
his distant memories mulled in smoke,
with pillars of distaste inside.
But every day his heart evoked
silent thoughts of love regained
a search for happiness through pain.

Filled flush with wealth under his roof
true to a fault with money's hope
enticing minds with regal show
and words to pitch his worth aloof.
His song would trap a callow soul,
with flash of kindness in deceit
a merchant of contrived relief.

But when she came one month, to clean,
The darkness of his thoughts went dry,
then sunward went his soul on high
and filled with life his heart broke free!
The shadows of his latter pride
were lit with daylight and unchained
from the guileness of his game.

Then, too, she brought his faith to swell.
His needs beheld in her sweet face
uplifted by her tender grace.
On him, like gentle rain she fell
to water wisdom once displaced.
He offered her his wealth and fame
and at her feet he threw his gain.

He watched her soft eyes slowly drop
Stoned innocence filled her light laugh
then she spoke pure unabashed
deep words of love spilled from her thoughts.
He heard a river's length of love to last,
about her boyfriend and their plans
and her eyes glowed solely for her man.

Through years of trading he had fought
where friends were shallow, fierce and dim
where all the world was made to win
and render profits at all cost.
Yet this songbird sang over him
from her nest of silver dreams
and left him helpless and unclean


Ain't doin nothin at all
Just answerin the call
Kinda driftin away from it all~~~~~

© Copyright 2004 Eric Lewis True - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
1 posted 2004-03-17 03:57 AM


You carried this form beautifully throughout the poem. I truly appreciate the difficulty (Though perhaps not to you)of the rhyming scheme
Very well done indeed, and a great poem, too
Liz

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2004-03-17 04:26 AM


what a story...whew! I was on the edge till the end!
Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
3 posted 2004-03-17 06:57 AM


Yet this songbird sang over him
from her nest of silver dreams

~*~

Lady Santos gave the best reply...
all I can do is

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
4 posted 2004-03-17 08:20 AM


I thank you Liz, Passing and Sunshine....I surely do appreciate the read and the comments.
Greeneyes
Deputy Moderator 50 ToursDeputy Moderator 10 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-09-09
Posts 9903
In Your Poetic Mind
5 posted 2004-03-18 02:22 PM


Yet this songbird sang over him
from her nest of silver dreams'''''

~

poetically beautifully!

~~**~~
Walking with bare feet
among a tapestry of words,
each woven thread, awakening the soul
~~**~~

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
6 posted 2004-03-18 07:14 PM


Eric

Beautiful story in perfect form.  Bravo!

Nightshade
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-08-31
Posts 13962
just out of reach
7 posted 2004-03-18 07:36 PM


Simply wonderful writing. Enjoyed. Chris

   Life itself is the most wonderful fairy tale.
                                          Hans Christian Anderson

Janet Marie
Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554

8 posted 2004-03-19 12:43 PM


But when she came one month, to clean,
The darkness of his thoughts went dry,
then sunward went his soul on high
and filled with life his heart broke free!
The shadows of his latter pride
were lit with daylight and unchained
from the guileness of his game.
=================================


Eric the rhyme scheme in this is most impressive...as is your assonance and vocabulary...
you work magic with lyric and verse.
A soul poet with blues and rhyme in your viens... ya cant miss with that combo.

Outstanding write groovy guy.

Home is a feeling I buried in you ...
I'm alright, I'm alright ... It only hurts when I breathe ...

M.E.

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
9 posted 2004-03-20 09:48 AM


But every day his heart evoked
silent thoughts of love regained
a search for happiness through pain


You captured something profound in this very beautiful "Rise and Fall of wealth at heart".

A touch of melancholy remains ... this is life.

Love, Margherita

ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
10 posted 2004-03-20 12:17 PM


Martie and Lauren thank you so much for the kind words......I appreciate the read and the response.

Eric

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
11 posted 2004-03-20 12:55 PM


Yes, indeed an excellent read.  Sounds like an awakening to me.
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