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Teen Poetry #7

window of empty lies

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2003-12-04 02:34 PM

i look outside
my window
just to find the
light in your eyes
the darkness hides
your face from view
even if i saw
the whites of
your skin
would the empty eyes
hide the lies
and the toll
its taken on you

you think your
actions can make
you more beautiful
but your sins still
stay the same
its just the inclusion
of of your own seclusion
that keeps you terrified
the paper thin skin
shows your true colors
you think by dyeing the outside
it will hide whats within
but your markers are dry
and need to be renewed
by loves damp touch

but you stay terrified
hide from my light
close off our ties
by constricting
the ties that i have
to you
maybe feelings
will change
and hearts rearange
the hope is there
oh the hope still stares
at us

now im alone, but not lonely like before

duncan idaho
Member

since 2003-11-14

Posts 70
dune

1 posted 2003-12-04 02:37 PM

i make light too! it comes from my nose. but all the other kids won't play with me

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

2 posted 2003-12-04 03:11 PM

Alex- The first two stanzas of this are awesome, but I feel like you lost the feeling towards the end. Then again, the end seems kind of like you're stepping away from the tone that you took earlier in this, and admitting something.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I loved this.

Ally Stone
Junior Member

since 2003-10-20

Posts 48
D.C.

3 posted 2003-12-04 05:55 PM

Another success...Great job and keep it up!!

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

4 posted 2003-12-04 08:10 PM

thanks alot everyone, i appreciate the feedback

now im alone, but not lonely like before

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