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Teen Poetry #7
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Check it out!--the last step--
| Teen Poetry #7 |
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Check it out!--the last step-- |
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broken627 Member
since 2003-11-26
Posts 66Eugene Oregon 
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No more im through im sick of all these tears ive cried for you you really dont know what you were to me my sun my rain my happy my sad you said youd always be there when times were bad The way this turned out to be completly angers me I cant cry anymore ive gone completly numb now that i know you i feel so dumb and all there is left is nothing at all so why am i trying for you still you already said your done so im giving up this is the last step moving on with no regrets im not so sure how ready i am ive thought i was before but i think i am now i dont want this pain to go any deeper i dont want the fall to be any steeper And though i know you wont notice and definetly wont care Ill wait for the day when you turn around and im no longer here So this is the last straw ive gone through to much withdrawel You've broken me beyond belief And crushed my hope into small pieces So goodbye forever no more tears to fall All i can do is hope that to you i wont crawl [This message has been edited by broken627 (12-03-2003 01:40 AM).] |
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| © Copyright 2003 broken627 - All Rights Reserved | |||
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magic_612 Member
since 2003-07-31
Posts 190NB, Canada |
great job.. I liked this one a lot |
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frolicking dolphin Member
since 2003-02-23
Posts 268my own special world |
I really liked this, my favorite lines were "i dont want this pain to go any deeper i dont want the fall to be any steeper" Nice write ~*~Karen~*~ |
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muchos Member
since 2003-11-29
Posts 102 |
i like your poem, it expresses yourself in a respectfull manner. and it always makes a wicked design |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Nicely done! I really like how you stated that you were finally done with being in pain and were doing something positive about it. You came off in a respectfull manner while still sounding strong also well done, that is sometimes hard to do. The crawling bit at the end through me off a little but that may well have just been me. Also the line "but I think I am now" I would change to "But now I think I am" personally. I realize you ended with that two lines up but you were flowing really well and the "now" at the end of that line puts a chop in the flow. Meaning it throws the reader off, but that is just a personally preference because it does sound good the way it is. Well I guess I will stop rambling now! ~Live and Laugh~ Because of you I laugh a little harder, smile a little more, and cry a little less |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
This has to be one of the best poems i have read so far in here! Probably because I can relate to it so much! I hope to read more! ~kissa~ |
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broken627 Member
since 2003-11-26
Posts 66Eugene Oregon |
Hey guys thanks so much for the comments i appreciate it so much! -*-broken627-*- when there was so much left to say |
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broken627 Member
since 2003-11-26
Posts 66Eugene Oregon |
Hey guys thanks so much for the comments i appreciate it so much! -*-broken627-*- when there was so much left to say |
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