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young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

0 posted 2003-09-26 09:17 PM

this is more of a song than poem, but it could be a poem i guess.
heaven's sorrow

the day has clouds on the horizon
one's to bring troubles to me
my shining sun has left
letting the storms run free

and the sky cries with me tonight
the whole world can feel my pain
lightning bringing glimpses of you
but thunder's song of sorrow plays over the music of the rain

its just so dark and im lost once again
even my headlights cant find you
alone on the road with no songs of happiness
ive nothing left to do

and the sky cries with me tonight
angels lend thier tears
flashbacks of your face in mind
shuffle on repeat through the years

if home is where the heart is
then my home is far from here
forgetting what ive built up for us
i give in to all my fears

and the heavens weep for me tonight
my well of tears has long been dry
im blocking the flashes of the past
with the despair of tomorrows sad cry

Why
Junior Member

since 2003-09-26

Posts 32
Middle of nowhere

1 posted 2003-09-26 10:03 PM

that would be a great song it was very beautiful

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

2 posted 2003-09-26 11:46 PM

This was beautifully done! Great work! The last line hit me kinda hard, and I like how something like that can do such things. On any rate, this was BEAUTIFUL! ~Jess

"Some of us think holding on makes us strong; but sometimes it is letting go." -Herman Hesse

aussie teen
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 396
Australia

3 posted 2003-09-27 04:29 AM

this is a really really nicec poem / song and i think would do really really well on the music charts. keep up your writing.
aussie teen

magic_612
Member

since 2003-07-31

Posts 190
NB, Canada

4 posted 2003-09-27 09:56 AM

wow this was really good! I also agree you could do great on the music charts. Best of luck and hope to hear more from you

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

5 posted 2003-09-28 04:20 PM

thanks alot guys!!

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-10-23 04:54 PM

ha ha dude...this was really cool...ha ha

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

7 posted 2003-10-24 01:10 AM

Wow. Im at a loss for other words, this is sooo beautiful! I can relate to it so well right now.
Thank you for sharing.

W.W.
We were meant to live for so much more have we lost ourselves?
Maybe redemption has stories to tell maybe forgiveness is right where you fell.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

8 posted 2003-10-24 09:21 PM

thanks guys for all the encouragement!! i appreciate all of it!!

garysgirl

Member Laureate

since 2002-09-29

Posts 19237
Florida, USA

9 posted 2003-10-25 10:26 AM

This is very beautiful, whether you leave
it as a poem or a song. I love it.

Hugs

Ethel

Ally Stone
Junior Member

since 2003-10-20

Posts 48
D.C.

10 posted 2003-10-26 02:10 PM

Wow, great job. At first I wasn't sure where you were going, but each stanza got better than the last and I totally loved it.
Ally

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

11 posted 2003-10-27 06:49 AM

Wow...This was awesome. Great job.

"I'm tired of being what you want me to be."~Linkin Park

my_lost_soul
New Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 6

12 posted 2003-10-28 01:10 PM

ei cool song..or poem...each stanza becomes better and better..nweiz are you a song writer???

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

13 posted 2003-10-28 02:58 PM

yes im kinda a songwriter, i write lyrics, but dont come up with music until like a month later or something. smooth acoustic, thats me

now im alone, but not lonely like before

LiL-Jew
Junior Member

since 2003-10-28

Posts 30

14 posted 2003-10-28 04:58 PM

That was a an awesome poem, it will make a beautiful song. Were you thinking about someone when you were writing this or was it all just random words?

~LiL-Jew~

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

15 posted 2003-10-28 05:17 PM

yes i was thinking of someone, it was one of those things where i came home and it was pouring down rain and i was feeling so incredibly down, so i just got my feelings out. this is what happened

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

16 posted 2003-10-28 05:20 PM

This was beautiful. It got better and better with every line. I am definetely putting this in my library.
Jen

I hate what I've become to esacpe what I was.

young_blood
Senior Member

since 2003-09-19

Posts 1115
Indianapolis, IN

17 posted 2003-10-28 08:35 PM

thanks everyone for your comments!! i really really appreciate the time you took on this one.

now im alone, but not lonely like before

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