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Teen Poetry #7
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tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2004-06-23 03:07 PM


The summer sun masked
By the grayness of the clouds,
Sunlight peeking through in
Only certain places allowed.

I looked up to the sky,
Engulfed by it's sudden beauty,
Something I would have never saw
Had someone not taught me to see.

You showed me so much,
The beauty of simplicity;
How everything can be magical;
How awesome nature can be.

You taught me to enjoy life,
Take it day-by-day,
Approach life with a smile
And to make your own way.

You taught me to love,
Love myself and love you;
That once you find that one,
You taught me how to be true.

I’ve found myself now,
I found myself in you.
I found the missing piece
Fitting to make something new.

Thanks to you, my love,
My life is fairly clear,
Because you taught me all this,
To me, you are so dear.

Where would I be without you?
Would I know what I do?
I’ve learned so much
And I owe it all to you.

You taught me about life,
And the splendor of things I see,
Without you to teach me this,
Where would I be?

-Erin

Let me know what you think and please be honest, tell me what you like and don't like.

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

© Copyright 2004 Erin - All Rights Reserved
Stepharoo
Member
since 2004-05-04
Posts 149
Washington, USA
1 posted 2004-06-24 02:15 AM


Wow, this is so cute! I really dont have much to say, I just love it! haha...Keep it up!
*Alli4000*
Deputy Moderator 10 Tours
Member Elite
since 2004-03-21
Posts 3188
The World of Poetry
2 posted 2004-07-05 01:28 AM


So you want me to tell you what I do and don't like? Ok, here it goes...

I like the way that you were able to describe things.  For example, I really like these lines:

"The summer sun masked
By the grayness of the clouds"

What I didn't like...this is kinda hard to explain, but I kinda felt like you dragged the poem on and on.  You repeated the same ideas over and over.  Told you it was hard to explain..lol!

Anyways, I give the poem a thumbsup
Keep Writing!


~Alli~

tapper798
Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353
My own world
3 posted 2004-07-05 02:36 PM


Thank you *Alli4000*,not that I don't enjoy "good jobs" or "it's so cute" but alittle constructive critisism was what I was looking for.  I see what you mean by dragging it out now that I read it from another point of view. Thanks!

Love is giving him the ability to break your heart...but trusting him enough to know he won't.

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