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| Dark Poetry #4 |
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Doldrums |
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Paper Tiger Member
since 2003-09-28
Posts 77
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Watch him lounge around the house Uncaring of his surroundings Unfeeling for anyone or anything And unaware of the world around him He doesn't feel alive or even awake Only numb and out-of-the-way The tears that fill his eyes Are lonely tears he cries His thoughts hound him Send him tumbling down a hole The light is slowly fading The mind begins to take control Unconsciousness takes hold Strangles him and won't let go A difficult matter to overcome When he's already down one The views are getting dim And the noise is dying out He can't feel your presence Only his own sorrows and doubts You can assume and suppose But you'll never really know As long as you sit comfortably At your vantage point alone |
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silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand |
Unconsciousness takes hold Strangles him and won't let go That was a great line i didnt get the drift of this poem until the last two paragraphs which gave u the suspense advantage great work LOR In the bible on angels have wings, and the rest must wait to be saved - Jewel |
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kissa~rachelle Senior Member
since 2003-11-27
Posts 988nowhere special |
"The views are getting dim And the noise is dying out He can't feel your presence Only his own sorrows and doubts" I like this. I am adding it to my library thing-a-majigger. ~lol ~Vampire Kisses  I want a relationship i can finally sink my teeth into.~ Alexander Sterling |
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darkness_witch Senior Member
since 2003-12-03
Posts 516Underneath |
i really love this one. i totally agree with LOR You can always hear a tear in Cobain's voice, the pain going on there is always visible through his lyrics - Marilon Manson |
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