»
Archives
»
Dark Poetry #4
»
Selfish
| Dark Poetry #4 |
|
Selfish |
|
|
silhouetted Senior Member
since 2004-01-30
Posts 537New Zealand 
|
this selfishness inside bubbles with your presence it boils beneathe my skin just waiting to surface at the slightest movement you could trigger the wire that trips to reveal the bang and scare you away you wont come back if i showed you the real me if you had a peak you would run away you would crawl as far as possible tremble like a child and cover your eyes this voice plays on in my head like a broken record i hear the screams telling me to come out to come out but i cant come out in fear of losing you losing your trust of who you thought i was or thought i should be so i'll stay being selfish and stay being on the alert until you make that move to trigger my pain and i expose every incn in front of you "When i close my eyes, i remember how to smile, under my umbrella im an accomplished exile..." |
||
| © Copyright 2004 L - All Rights Reserved | |||
|
serenities_blood Member
since 2003-12-21
Posts 56New Zealand |
OMG laura that was soo good!!! I feel it, its how i feel. You've described it so well. Your 'Miss Thing' i promise. That was great..keep on writing more im looking forward to them! |
||
|
Hollow_Emptiness Senior Member
since 2004-02-01
Posts 715New Zealand |
Omfg, how did this slip through my fingers? How did I miss this? By far, one of the best, and startingly, sad and true and beautiful and lonely and great poems I have read. I guess there were too many poems posted after you wrote this, becuase just scanning my eyes down the list, I noticed this and I knew I hadn't read it. Omfg, I am so glad I did. Arrrrrrrrghhhh I just want to hug you. Hollow. "Why are my visions so unliving with dreams? And why do I no longer care?" - Stygian |
||
|
green_itchy_stuff Senior Member
since 2003-06-26
Posts 1929New Caney, Tx |
I don't think I've responded to anything you've written and if I have I don't remember, but this is pretty cool. Almost like being in a sword fight in your mind and making a fatal thrust upward and totally trashing the stomache. I did have to read it a few times to catch everything. So with your constructive critiques thing I suggest that you give the reader time to take in what they have read by using spaces, and breaking the stanzas up a little bit. No turning back, this time, no walking away -Kutless |
||
|
|
⇧ top of page ⇧ |
|
| All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format. | ||
