brothers and sisters and my hometown

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

n2dmystic
Member

since 2003-09-27

Posts 253
beyond the doors of perception

0 posted 2003-10-19 10:09 AM

this is about growing up alone, in a family of seven kids.  The "lost child" syndrome at work.  Child night walker, thug, scared little kid, who always tried to get it right.  Reform school, homelessness, and hopelessness.  Until I got out of the Army and went to work on a family.  My brothers and sisters had a homelife, though not pretty, it wasn't what I had.  Always seeking a way to fit in.  I continue to find my fitting in through the Creator and Nature, and my kids and grandkids.  Stockton, CA calls itself Some Place Special.  I guess...

Toni Marie, Steven Fisk, Kelly Jean, Rebecca Lynn
In loving memory of my sister Jo (September 21, 1948 - September 1, 1988) and brother Jon (December 19, 1955 - September 1, 1996), sleeps with angels

How many nights did you walk…?
…the foggy streets of Stockton
Cooper’s Donuts, nickel coffee
   and the night nuts
Staying at the Earl, $5.50 all night
   the four of us slippin’ in ‘n out
The twins and me and the crooked one
   with that disarming charm
   and a paralyzing arm

Ragged assed Bronx chics
   selling to the night tricks
Us four at our Corner of tricks
   We called “Dicks”
Shuckin’ and jivin’ and makin’ a livin’
   Getting’ what ya’ can, it ain’t about givin’

My Stockton wasn’t Some Special Place
   to be a kid or raise my own
In it’s innocent ignorance
   it made a man… ungrown
And did the very best it could
   to turn his soul to wood

California Youth Authority – 67193
   will always be more than a number to me
Sixteen years to get to here
   un ano mas holding back my tear
Throwin’ from the shoulder
   whether he’s bigger or he’s older
The bigger they are…
   the quicker you strike
   ‘cuz you either stand like a man
   or get beaten down like a tyke
‘Cuz checkin’ in and cliquin’ in
   ya’ live by the color of your skin

This little white Mexican
   brave as any Indian
I’ll take each and every comer
   22 to 1 and backed in a corner
The blood don’t matter, or the splatter
Viva La Raza, or live and die an outsider
So many years without a date
   and in a year my release
   is considered by the State
And you only see girls on visiting days
   And there’s never been a prom
   Or any high school plays

So just remember this
   my good bro, and sweet sis’
Your school wasn’t no
   Industrial strength Preston
And I have just to question
   as I cover my ass
   in more ways than one
   what was it ever done
   by this lonely little kid
   that made his family stay hid?
And…
   what was it that ever…
   hurt you more
   being ignored
   or the one to ignore?

But, me being a Westcoaster
   from the toaster
   bred and raised to be a boaster
   and knowing that the West’s gotta’ be best
I took what I could, and put life to the test
I lived a lot of different ways
   sometimes obviously in a daze
   not to mention Purple Haze
   even Banana Peels in their craze
Peace and Love would come later
   in life
Even then this hippy carried an…
   edge of uneasiness, trouble and strife
Needle freakin’ to the beat
   of every drummer
I can dance all night
   and sleep in the Summer…
   daze of my opiated dreams
   warm as a cuddled child
For awhile, or so it seems

Yet remembering Special moments
   of my hometown…
Diablo in the distance…
   trees – forever – trippin’ round
The Canyon with the Buzzards
Sonora, Daffodil Hill, and Jamestown
Freakin’ and streakin’ across Tulloch Bridge
   midnite morning, we hit the brake
   shoes and pants are gone, and…
   we hit the lake
30 feet of free fallin’ reverie
Chemical moments add to the mystery
   so many night trips, loving the history
Terry in the rain,
   with me and sister Jojo
Hangin’ from the cliff
   peakin’ on some mojo
With the birds eye to eye
If we let go
   do ya’ think we can fly?
I think not,
   trippin’s for living, not to die

Stoppin’ off at Copperopolis
   tho’ it ain’t got no populace
   it sure is a popular place for us
   …to stop
   needing a cold one brewed with hops
Getting’ Gold Country summer dazed
   summer nights the heat ain’t fazed
Sittin’ on the Delta
   fishin’ my life away
Farm ponds and bassin’
   mystical moments in simple (magical) days

Like a blind man describing the taste of chocolate…
Yosemite breathes God’s exhalation
   as I sit in silent contemplation
   this moment free of tribulation
   my heart flies free in exhultation
   and my soul soars in jubilation
The very Breathe of God

With Frostian struggle I love this life
   and I always got the best of things
   parents and kids and friends and wives
   No mistakes were sent into my life

Primo Jose
   the very first Joe
Abuelito strummed my heart strings
   he gave me love for simple things
Like flowers and cooking and
   and grandkids and prayer
With a tear in his eye
   he beheld Aurelia in the air
As if in offering to the Creator
   the gift of love in the created
When he prayed for this thug
   in a public place
   I would bow my head
   Tho’ not to hide my face
His gentility humbled me
A man from God, and he’s in me

My three wives
   With me being the luckiest of all
I took them for a spin
   and then went off the wall
Though all my loves have left
   cradlin’ their hearts
This man knows he did
   the worst hurting part
They got to know, and love me…
   OW!
Then leave me
And please believe me
   the heartache I caused
   Still does bereave me

Marrie left from Montana
   doing the Grateful dance of the Dead
Carolyn being earth mom
   to every animal strayed
Birds, dogs and cats
  hell, probably even a mouse
There is a specail air of love
   that lives at her house
No pun intended
   I’m not shooting from the lip
She was the first woman
   good at shooting from the hip
A slow walkin’, Oakie talkin’
   Cute little hippy chic

Then there’s that redheaded Wonder of a Woman
   livin’ out in Idaho
The greatest spouse of a lifetime
   and I had to make her go
JoAnn, for you I will write pages
   to live down through the ages
   about the greatest of loves
   which withstood my rages
   left with naught but ashes and wages

So here I sit, reapin’ my dreams
   of my life lived on running and schemes
And I’m much happier now, than it seems
   a guy like me, oughta’ be
With a legal list of stealing other’s dreams
But the Universe of so much gentler
   It’s not about having
   But giving and being tender
Seekin’ the serendipituous magical mysteries
   Of life’s ubiquitous twisteries

Now I’ve got Montana of the heart
   and it happened from the start
The people are easy
   hard workin’ and nice
To stop and talk, or help
   they don’t even think twice
Cuz’ Montana ain’t just a State, and…
   it’s more than a state of mind
   it’s the state of MT’ness of mind

So now I sit on the Yellowed banks
   of the big Stoney River
Knowing that the Creator
   in this Silence
   has a message to deliver
The freewhellin’ Yellowstone
   my hearts new home
Wider than a mid days dream
   into the Missouri
   from a Rocky Mountain Stream
Under skies as wide
   as the hopes of a child
Emblazoned by strokes
   of the Master’s hand
Free and wild and wide and grand

Now my hands ain’t soft
   from fluffing pillows
And my bed gets turned down
   to softer than willows
Cuz’ my sheets are so loud
   that even Jimi would be proud
   to sit with me and laugh out loud

Seeking the mystical
   moment to moment
The Creator ain’t something
   I need to promote…
Though it’s truly…
   all for the telling
Lives and souls ain’t
   for the selling

And all I ever wanted was
  what Rodney asked
But I never thought apart
   was a part of that task
It hurt my soul
   but now I know…
I will go on…
   and on with my own simple song

Now all I want is for you to see
   just a little bit of me
And a bit of everything
   from this gypsy soul
   who really wanted the right thing
So I want you to know
   that I miss your souls
I love you guys
   please know it’s true
My life without you wouldn’t do
But I be I, and you be you
   and we all go off and do what we do
So always remember this of me
   I only ever wanted to just be free
   and… though gone from here
I forever remain
“I love you”
shall be my last refrain

© Copyright 2003 Joseph D. Carreno II

Peace, Joe
in the big MT
seeking the serendipitous magical mysteries of life's ubiquitous twisteries

Tim
Senior Member

since 1999-06-08

Posts 1794

1 posted 2003-10-29 12:04 PM

long poems don't always hold my interest. Read yours til the end. Interesting style and write. Enjoyed.

SharaRose
Member Elite

since 2003-07-19

Posts 2501
Somewhere out there~

2 posted 2003-10-29 12:21 PM

What an amazing ride...wow, but isn't it odd. The thing I remembered most was the line about being ignored. Wow...I have no idea what that must mean, but I know this really impressed me for many reasons. Thanks mucho much for sharing this...messkin..hehehe

Love,
Terri~

[This message has been edited by SharaRose (10-29-2003 12:22 AM).]

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.