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Open Poetry #23
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The Edge (Post from CA2)
| Open Poetry #23 |
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The Edge (Post from CA2) |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
(This is a final rewrite resulting from lessons (critique #2) learned from Radrook and Rob. I sincerely thank them both) The Edge A tiny figure stands on the edge of night While moon beams and stars dance on the water No ghostly ships can be seen nor does the Evenings salty mist lend itself to shelter Sounds are too few Just the gentle caress of the spent tide Hitting the beach and foaming away Sea Gulls dip to the wind Calling to assure each other of their presence This world seems made for giants Dreams limited only by the submission of defeat Here stands one woman balanced on the center of now Walking the jagged perimeter of a black hole Where the past is a consequence of today and tomorrow is already too late Here with the moon, the stars and the water's song The resounding echo of a frightened voice Recedes into the darkness Praying to come out the other side c2002SimplyGold |
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| © Copyright 2002 SimplyGold - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Whatever you went through to get this poem to this stage--was worth it! This was superb! EA |
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Mistletoe Angel 
since 2000-12-17
Posts 32816Portland, Oregon |
 (big hugggsssssss) Oh Electra, this is such a heartaching central truth, sweet friend, how we treat each other in this whole unchecked Social Darwinism kind of way, the survival of the fittest, where the giants take all and the little ones are left merciless so much of the time! I pray soon all can balance out and tomorrow will not be too late after all and consequence can make a whole new metonymy, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Electra, thank you for sharing! May love and light always shine upon you! Love, Noah Eaton "Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..." |
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garysgirl
since 2002-09-29
Posts 19237Florida, USA |
Simpy gold, this is absolutely beautiful. It was also superbly done. You have done a very good work, and learned the lessons very well. Thanks for sharing your work. Love to All, Ethel |
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Madame Chipmunk Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-05
Posts 8296Michigan |
Sooooooo beautiful, Electra... Perfectly done!  ~ neighborly chipmunk hugsLyra |
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regards2you Member Elite
since 2002-10-01
Posts 3940California |
Simply Gold, I have the original right here at my desk. I copied it in order to copy all of Robtm1965 replies to an inquiry. Isn't it amazing? While I did like the other, studying the differences teaches me ~so much~ what a lesson to be in on. We are learning together, though you did all the hard work, but, now I have a reference, and I am so glad. Thank you so much for printing this. It is wonderful. And, thank for your hard work. Warmly, Pat  ..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.. |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
EA, Thank you for your response. CA is a wonderful part of this forum. It can be very tough because there are some very excellent poets at this site. I have been writing poetry all my life. There are so many different styles and often times I don't undertand the message or the intricacies of the technical reasons behind a piece of work. I'm trying to learn but, at the same time not lose the soul of my writing. For me writing is about communication, feeling and touching. It is a stage on which the poet is a performer and the success of that performance, once tecnically correct, will leave an impact. This impact can be in the form of a visual impression, an emotional release or simply an obsevation. My desire is to make a connection during my short stay on this earth. I think most of everyone I've read here wants this as well. That's what makes this such a magical site. You have helped me so much by opening up the lighter side of expression. In short, your poetry makes me happy and that is an emotion that I need as do so many others. Thank you. SG |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Noah, Thank you sweet boy. It's good to see you are here. Affectionately, SG |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Ethel, Thank you for your kind comment. I have been following your work and your replies to other poets as well as mine. I think that you are very much in tune with what I had written to EA. I've read your reply concerning the critiques and I agree. I enjoy your writing and look forward to reading more.  SG |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Madame Chippy, So glad to see you here! Thank you for replying. This was a very valuable lesson. I keep tweeking and tweeking. SG |
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SimplyGold Senior Member
since 2002-07-10
Posts 1453 |
Pat, This was a wonderful lesson thanks to both Rob and Rad. Each has a different style for critique, they are both equally as valuable. I enjoyed my interaction with both. They are a wonderful resource and a very much appreciated one. I hope they know that! Sincerely, SimplyGold |
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