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Open Poetry #23
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momentary_anonymity
| Open Poetry #23 |
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momentary_anonymity |
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neill Junior Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 13 |
momentary_anonymity Is it possible that I fell in time with your heartbeat? Taking breath that I didn’t deserve And staking claim to emotions set on fire with your trust But it looses me, and it makes me sick, like water to my lungs And I can’t tell you how it works or even if has reciprocal gratification All I know is, it’s in my pocket and sometimes it hurts I miss handing you a cure, handing you momentary anonymity Now nothing but my spit shined sarcastic surplus sold without bid, without consent |
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| © Copyright 2002 neill - All Rights Reserved | |||
Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
You have an edge to your writing hone it wisely, it will serve you well. |
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Connel
since 2002-11-04
Posts 736Florida, USA |
Niell, I liked your words, and you should try spacing out your words some.. It makes it look better and makes the reader more interested. ( this is my opinion ) But it was a good poem. I wish to become a great poet some day, but it will only come in time. Til then, I shall write my poems, and wait. |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
The depth of this piece shows great harvest and gifts... A churning write. ThisDiamond |
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neill Junior Member
since 2002-11-06
Posts 13 |
connel ~ do you mean the physical spacing of the words? I can see what you mean. good advice. Sometimes, i run them together because, to me, it tends to feel more of frustration, slightly out of breathe. if that makes sense... |
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