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Teen Poetry #6
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Waterbed Boyfriend
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Waterbed Boyfriend |
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LyricFetish Senior Member
since 2000-01-13
Posts 528North Carolina 
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Being with you Is like wearing a cast on my arm You itch You make me sweat I long to crack you open And hurl you away from me Yet I know that without you I'll remain broken You're like that song all the radio stations play Over and over Once I thought you were exciting So very cool But now you're just monotonous Redundant Always lurking in the back of my mind Making me crazy You're contagious Like the flu And once I've caught you You'll stay in my system for weeks Raising my temperature Churning my stomach I still wake up coughing up pieces of you I can't get rid of you Like that medicine aftertaste That hangs in my mouth And can't be washed away So everything else I try is tainted by you Just like a waterbed Once your novelty has worn off I find myself drifting aimlessly Sinking into you Cold Lonely Getting seasick *Hey everyone, this is a re-post from teen poetry #2. I haven't been here in FOREVER, so I thought I'd post one of my favorites as my grand re-entrance. Peace out!* *~Meredith~* "I can taste you on my lips |
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| © Copyright 2002 Meredith - All Rights Reserved | |||
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Meredith? I don't pop in here often....but this just sort of called me and this, especially: "You'll stay in my system for weeks Raising my temperature Churning my stomach I still wake up coughing up pieces of you" Weeks turn into months--months into years--ad nauseum. smile..if this is personal? RUN LIKE HELL. If it's not? Oh you have written a Dorian Gray Mirror for me....thank you. You made me look into something and realize it was not a reciprical relationship, but a personal addiction. The above verse did it for me. Reminded me of my nicotine dependance. smiling, smiling....cough.  |
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Kielo Senior Member
since 2002-02-11
Posts 1109 |
This was amazing. The imagery was wonderful. You really blew me away with this.  *gets blown away*[This message has been edited by Kielo (09-13-2002 02:43 AM).] |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
LyricFetish~ Welcome back!  I'm so glad you reposted this. I hadn't seen it before, and I'm glad I got to read it this time. This is EXCELLENT writing! Definately lots of food for thought here. VERY much enjoyed! ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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Ceinwyn Member Elite
since 2000-07-09
Posts 2175VA |
Me Likes nonetheless..hehehe I know this feeling all too well..Been there done that got the cliche t-shirt Enjoyed!Kristen If at first you don't succeed destroy all the evidence that you tried. |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
I loved this!!! So humorous, great comparison. I've had this feeling before- most definitly run like hell. Jenn Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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TradingSpaces19 Member
since 2002-08-31
Posts 134Arvada, Colorado |
this is a good poem and I'm sorry about what happened. Anyways thanx for sharing and keep up the good work. Andrea |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
 Because this one deserves another trip to the top. "...until you have read the verse on his heart, |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oh my oh my oh MY! Did this bring back any feelings? Nah, only the past year or so.  I loved this in case you hadn't noticed. It is so damn real that it practically jumps up and slaps you in the face. Metaphors worked very well throughout the entire piece. I'm very impressed and also feeling a little ill so yay! *psycho* Thanks for posting this. ~AF~ "It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf |
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anonymousfemale Member Elite
since 2000-02-02
Posts 2797Limbo |
Oops, I forgot the library button. *click* "It is far more difficult to murder a phantom than a reality." - Virginia Woolf |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
i really enjoy the analogies you used here. i'm an analogy junkie, so this really hit a note with me. good write. /jen/ so foul and fair a day i have not seen. - macbeth act 1, scene 3 |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
wow... i diffently liked the first stanza alot! this whole poem was great. awesum job!  You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Welcome to Teen Poetry #6. If you haven't been here in that long, then I hope you understand that nobody here will remember you, and you're pretty much starting from scratch. This is an excellent start, however. I really liked the similies and the way that it was written. "Coughing up pieces of you" is a great image, it's just sick and unappealing... beautiful. If this was written so long ago, I wonder how things are going with this person now? At any rate, I hope to see you around, Meridith. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa |
Awesome metaphors here mer, this is an incredible piece. And take my critique as a compliment, because when I see impressive writing I try to throw in my input and hope maybe I can help a little, if there was anything I could change about this I would just have the metaphors sort of flow into each other a little better, because as it stands, the gorgious imagery of the pieces dont fit together as well as they could to make this a perfection. I love it though Library! |
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Nazera29 Junior Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 34Connecticut |
i love this one, and boy-oh-boy can i relate. I love your analogies, bc they are things ive never thought of, but wow,they really fit. hope you got out of that situation great job, thanks for the read, Jess *We are the hero in our own story* |
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