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Teen Poetry #6
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Sea & Sleep
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Sea & Sleep |
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Darkness Member
since 2002-10-17
Posts 202The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies. |
The tide comes and drowns the pain, My soul swirls in the angry torrents, Dreams of floral, fantasy, happiness, They gurgle and sputter in the rain, Cerebral hemorrhages hinder my dreams, Old fables pass through existence, My smiles tell a lie, uncomfortable, unfeeling, unhappy. Pain... Hurt... Bleed... Cut... Sever... Harvest insects from my skin, Bleed my dry, make me cry, Take my life in your hands, Controlling me, your using me, For your own petty wants, And your own petty needs, Severe weather forcasted, Waiting for the Meds, To save me from this torrent. Animosity spreads through jaded cells, Infecting persons, unknown, Look and me, The crazy person in the corner, The only hero in life, betrayed, turned away. Dirt and sand in my veins, Scandium Rhythms, wont let me sleep, REM sleep seems so distant, Santuary from exhaustion, I wish, Was mine. Mothers touch... Tuck... Kiss... Lovers passion... Hug... Loyalty... Break the walls of insomnia, I drift off. One to filch the dream, the prisoner of hate, Into blazon, hellish nightmares, Where I feel death, But don't die, Just the agony of fire. Falling... Tumbling... Landing... Crushed... Scourge of life, OF HUMANITY! AND OF PEACE! Make war with the innocent, THE UNARMED! Fear seizes my lungs, Inhaling is impossible, Incapable to fathom death, I'm already dead. |
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| © Copyright 2002 Sam Prond - All Rights Reserved | |||
Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Ok...maybe its just me...but I didn't know about the ending...it confused me.....I got just about everything else...except that?? Great job Riley ~*I'm not gonna say I'm gorgeous, that for you to decide, if you really wanna know me, see the world through my eyes*~ |
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Surreal Junior Member
since 2002-10-21
Posts 35Paris |
I have to agree, the ending just didn't seem to fit with the rest of it. Especially the capitalization of things, I don't know, I don't think it worked with the rest of the piece. You have some great imagery though, nice job |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
I personally enjoyed the ending. Admittedly it's a large shift from the previous tone, and it kind of takes a new direction... but I felt it somewhat significant to the poem, almost like a conclusion. The last line is an eyesore, though. Just a tad cliche. I really enjoyed a lot of this... like Surreal said, you've brought a lot of imagery into this poem to give it a great texture... and the stanza organization makes it go down very easily. Definitely a very, very good piece of writing. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
yeah i totally liked this and agree with LP, this was awesum.  You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel. |
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Imajica Junior Member
since 2002-09-16
Posts 14NM, USA |
graphic, I like the ending, it does make sense after all of the despriction of maddening desperation and pain... ? |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow, well there's a lot of passion in this one. I liked it a lot. Very well done here.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Pollita Member
since 2002-07-25
Posts 220the unknown realm of insanity |
WOW...IT WAS AWESOME... VERY GOOD....YOU SHOULD TAKE A BOW! I LOVED IT...IT'S GOING IN MY LIBRARY...AND IN MY ROOM...IM GONNA PRINT THIS MASTERPIECE C YA LATERZ |
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