Teen Poetry #6 |
Why Do Fools Fall? |
Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
dance in the twilight of a silky moon flow with the shine upon the swans croon another wistless night without your call waiting as i lean brushed my hair against the wall dry vibrant circles curve with me blind might the tears the cover the eyes i see fall over and over relive the moment forever shining 'gainst a flight fawn i shiver country accent down south twang all from my daddy who grew up in swang desciption senseless falling over two left feet until i finally see the one i like to meet over and over and over words said repetitive one line along the moons lead kiss never so sweet as the first time never had all i can remeber is everything bad my gracefulness got the best of me i fell off the cart again you see never forget special moments like that again my first glance at my future as sat ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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© Copyright 2002 Riley Grant - All Rights Reserved | |||
Attila Junior Member
since 2002-10-14
Posts 17USA |
Riley~ I liked this one! I didn't really like the line that you fell off your "cart"....i don't know it just seemed like you couldn't think of a word..if their is a specail meaning behind the diction of that one tell me. I did like it. Attila "Right after meeting him we had already kissed, a week after that and i can still feel his lips on mine" |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
"dance in the twilight of a silky moon flow with the shine upon the swans croon" THIS is what captured me. Right at the beginning you had me, and didn't lose me. Way to go! You are so my hero! |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Personally, I thought this was very well written. You did sort of a streaming thing in your writing with a few lines, dropping punctuation and wording it as it might be thought, rather than as it might be said... There are a lot of lines that I really loved in this, too many to name. You did a wonderful job of this, Riley, and I'm definitely impressed. One of my favourites from you for sure. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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gymnast Member
since 2001-11-18
Posts 80Scotland. |
I love this poem. It's awesome. It's so descriptive, I can actually imagine my self being there! Great work-hope to read more soon! ||amanda|| Give All To Love, Obey Thy Heart. ~R.W.Emerson~ |
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lonewolf1 New Member
since 2002-10-16
Posts 9 |
The first two lines were amazing. I have to reread the rest of the poem. I'm still in shock after the first two lines. Very good. lonewolf1 |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Thanks a lot everyone, there is not a particular special meaning about this, just poetry!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks again for all the replies... Riley ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I enjoyed the poem muchly! This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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StellarChica Member
since 2002-07-06
Posts 207floating down a river... |
This was great stuff. Keep it up. *~erin~* |
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