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Teen Poetry #6
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2002-12-27 03:05 PM



"If You Hit A Woman"
(27/12/02)
© 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

Verse 1
You hear about it everyday
Once inch more she'd been dead,
How does he get up in the morn'
That I really don't get.
How can they even lay a hand
On someone that they love,
Sometimes a strong woman speaks up
Finally had enough.

Refrain
If you hit a woman once,
You're one of those types that I cannot stand.
If you hit a woman twice,
You have no right to call yourself a man.
No right at all, no right at all..
If you hit a woman...if you hit her.

Verse 2
Got a mark big as a billbord
Printed on both her eyes,
Got a Hairdug like a haystak
Mascarra tears she cries.
Cuddled like a friden kitten
Sitting at the bustop,
Yet another strong woman that
Finally had enough...

Refrain

Bridge
It needa change
It gotta change
It stops here...
(x3)

Refrain

© Copyright 2002 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
Stinky Twinkie
Member
since 2002-11-26
Posts 204
Dinwiddie
1 posted 2002-12-27 03:09 PM


I agree, hitting women is terrible.

Now, for the poem/song:
It wasn't my favorite, but you have a talent for writing lyrics.  I liked the way that you described the bruises and marks on the woman's face.  What kind of music is this that you play? I'm imagining something like an acoustic/coffee house type of person.......or maybe not, I dont know.


-Stinky Twinkie-

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245

2 posted 2002-12-27 03:23 PM


I agree! Hitting a woman is horrible! Hmm well I like most of your lyrics this one I felt was a little too easy for you to write. I also don't understand you're position in the song, as an innocent bystander? It doesn't seem it shows the feelings of the woman as in depth as it could...

Don't mean to be harsh at all just a few ideas... Love your writing anyway kid.

-othersideofthemirror

Erin
Member Elite
since 2000-06-15
Posts 2527
~Chicago~
3 posted 2002-12-28 09:46 PM


WOW!!! I think that you did a very good job writing this. So many thoughts come to mind while I read this not from personal experience but just from knowing people that have gone through this. Im really glad that you shared it.

~if you want something very badly set it free, if it comes back to you its yours forever, if it doesnt it was never yours to begin with~

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member
since 2001-09-20
Posts 1448
Universal Mind
4 posted 2002-12-29 01:30 AM


yes, hitting women is horrible...

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

Ina
Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada
5 posted 2002-12-29 06:10 PM


hitting anyone is wrong...men get abused just as well as women....being hit my someone you care about is the worst thing, some of us know that...but dont want to do anything...
as for your lyrics, they were alright someone said they didnt understand your position, neither do i....
there was something missing...
anyways
keep writng
regina

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