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StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

0 posted 2002-12-14 09:33 PM

Yesterday,
On my way home,
I made a vow to never think of you again.
It seemed just that simple.
(Simple, simple, simple...is anything ever actually simple?)
Everything I know (and love),
Has been tainted by you,
And it feels like every time I breathe in,
I'm dying,
(Every time you breathe out..Your poison fills the air.)
Your eyes make everything so complicated.
Your eyes. . .
If only they never looked at me like that,
If only my soul could be locked away from them,
Then your eyes wouldn't make things so complicated,
And for once,
It might be simple to never think of you again.
(Here comes your poison to fill my lungs again. . .)

"It's hard to look in the mirror these days when everyone else has everything you'd rather be."-Saves The Day

CloudedDreams
Member

since 2002-11-23

Posts 210
My Fantasy Realm

1 posted 2002-12-14 09:42 PM

This is an excellent piece of work. The emotion sees to drip out of the words, every description fills you with the pain and feelings of despair....wow!!
Good job!

Yes there will be tommorrow, but will you be there to greet it?

Rainbowdust
Member

since 2002-12-05

Posts 320
Sydney, Australia

2 posted 2002-12-15 05:28 PM

One for my library, girl.. I loved this!

The soul would have no rainbows, had the eyes no tears.

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2002-12-15 09:35 PM

I will be back for this... I promise.
Rj

"it was cute, it was like he was shy and didn't want to make it too obvious"
~ Reena
I'm Rhondiforous!

LTEvans
Member

since 2002-12-06

Posts 72
Lenham, England

4 posted 2002-12-16 04:49 AM

I like your particular idosyncrises (spelt that wrong surely). I have not seen brackets used in this way before. Very clever way of randomising lines without spoiling the flow. I may have to steal it.

Solipsism saves us from the atavism of the Equalitarian.

LTEvans

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

5 posted 2002-12-21 12:41 PM

StellarChica~
I REALLY like this muchly.
This is extremely well-written and very effectively done.
I felt every bit of this as I read.
Your talent is showing in this piece.
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

6 posted 2002-12-21 02:48 PM

This was great. I really liked the way you used parenthesis throughout.
"It seemed just that simple.
(Simple, simple, simple...is anything ever actually simple?)"
Sometimes I hate it when people use them, but they worked really well here. Great job!

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

7 posted 2002-12-21 06:45 PM

"Everything I know (and love),
Has been tainted by you,"

I must say I don't usually go for the sappy stuff, I'm not into the mush, but this? This wasn't just about lovey stuff it was like art. I love that line. ^^^ I'm a very musical person and very musically oriented, and as I read it it was like a song to me, and that line was the chorus. Amazing. Keep it up and you'll have an album in my mind.

aries_luv_ppl
Senior Member

since 2001-09-20

Posts 1448
Universal Mind

8 posted 2002-12-21 09:11 PM

Nice. You've expressed it very well.

Eliza Simmons
~Sometimes when I look back at what I wrote, I don't recognize the 'Me' in the past anymore.

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