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Open Poetry #22
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I shall write
| Open Poetry #22 |
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I shall write |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn 
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I believe that I shall write Tonight But, not to her I’ll sacrifice some ink To thoughts But, not of her An ode to love long lost Perhaps But, not for her A treatise on romance No end But, not with her ~wranx The shortest distance between two points... is sometimes, intolerable. Bukowski [This message has been edited by wranx (08-14-2002 10:13 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 E.F.Rose - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
 Perhaps, a re-write? Need to flow more towards the un-part of her?  Enjoyed! |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
Wranx....this is great! Loved the idea.... |
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Dark Stranger Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631West Coast |
cool stuff guy!!! wonder if she read it and wondered if it was about her... |
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bsquirrel
since 2000-01-03
Posts 7855 |
 Sunshine likes her coffee. I like yr poem. Clever way about writing about her by not. |
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brian sites Senior Member
since 2002-06-25
Posts 1475usa |
uhhhh..... you're doing ummm... just fine, wranx, yes. BS I never aimed at reality; I aimed at truth. --Orson Welles |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
oooh, this is excellent, it's like thoughts of 'her' are as intrusive as the gnawing of one's stomach when they are attempting a change of diet no matter how hard you try to ignore the nagging at your heart, the drops of tears eat salty wounds into your being like so much acid gnawing at your stomach's lining this poem is absolutely powerful in expressing your feelings Whether on the shoal or on the shore, |
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Severn Member Rara Avis
since 1999-07-17
Posts 7704 |
Hey wranx...I love this, I do - right up until the last line...lol IMHO, I think you just need to remove that and let the poem speak for itself... nice work..  K |
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wranx Member Elite
since 2002-06-07
Posts 3689Moved from a shack to a barn |
Doodles, while in the midst of a "can't write a word about nothin" period. Thanks to all for your kind comments. All are savored. Severn, ~ Done! howzat? ~wranx The shortest distance between two points... |
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Tiersdin Member Elite
since 2000-11-17
Posts 2364east coast |
I really like this, Wranx... excellent... ~Tier "I shall never bond again, as I have bonded with you..." |
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Gentle Spirit Member Patricius
since 2000-10-09
Posts 13989 |
wranx, I relly enjoyed this. I've had times like this when I didnt' want to write about "him" but did. Well done. somebody tell me, please help me.... |
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Enchantress Member Empyrean
since 2001-08-14
Posts 35113Canada eh. |
Dang!! This is SO good!! ~Hugs~ ~Somewhere in my heart I'm always |
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Magician Member
since 2002-08-14
Posts 126 |
I am thoroughly impressed with how the repetition works so well, and the imagery grabs you, and the verses all end negating the first 2 lines. Great poem. |
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misery_made_beautiful Junior Member
since 2002-08-10
Posts 36 |
I love sunshine's coffee, I hope it's black Wranx, I like the flow, simplicity, and stubbornness. To the others above: Ignoring polite criticism ... its like ignoring your parents warning about crossing the road. "Aging keeps life interesting" |
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vlraynes Member Rara Avis
since 2000-07-25
Posts 8229Somewhere... out there... |
wranx- I really enjoyed the concept of this. Very cool way to NOT write of her. Hugs, ~Vicky "...until you have read the verse on his heart, you have not truly met the poet. ~vlraynes [This message has been edited by vlraynes (08-27-2002 04:49 AM).] |
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