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SiO2
Junior Member

since 2002-06-05

Posts 24
New Zealand

0 posted 2002-06-23 09:08 AM

A Nice Piece!

Within the castle’s adamantine heart, below the place where shadows start,
Lost in the gloom of cryptic light, beyond the power of normal sight.
A chamber wrought with long lost lore, the statue of the Manticore.
His visage fine, that look sublime, epitome of an ancient line.

But Khronos with relentless power, has worked his way within the tower,
Dust and dirt and debris, deface the wise walls sanctity,
The runes grown dim below the mold, now but gilt where once was gold.
Waning power, a fading flower, dimming now with every hour.

The statue thought untouched by time, upon that face no trace of grime,
No dimness masks the watcher’s sight, the statue scorns the ages might,
No fear for him of entropy, it’s just another century.
In this he errs, for something stirs, his room defiled by upstart curs!

Bipeds here! This cannot be! They desecrate his sanctuary,
With all his power and all his hate, he sneers down at their simian gait.
The archeologist with glowing pride, strokes the Manticore’s stony hide,
And lacking guile, notes in his file, the statue’s enigmatic smile.

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

1 posted 2002-06-23 09:14 AM

Well done Steve....Much enjoyed the read!
~hugs~

~Somewhere in my heart I'm always
dancing with you in the summer rain~

Seymour Tabin
Member Empyrean

since 1999-07-07

Posts 31720
Tamarac Fla

2 posted 2002-06-23 09:16 AM

SiO2
A very nice piece and I am impressed. I will look for more of your posts.

Kethry
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-29

Posts 9082
Victoria Australia

3 posted 2002-06-23 09:18 AM

Steve,
how nice to read you this day.
This was fabulous, but it reminds me of the joke about the Italian who wanted a statue to complete his renovations. The decoraters looked high and low and could find nothing suitable until the man said I wanna statue, a statue you know...ring, ring statue?

This was awesome in presentation I'm exploring the Manticore and maybe I wil let you see mine although nothing I write could come close to this.
Kethry

Here in the midst of my lonely abyss, a single joy I find...your presence in my mind. Unknown

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

4 posted 2002-06-29 08:03 PM

I had seen this earlier, and apparently I had been interrupted, because there is no entry here from me that says,

Good job!

Kellie_Cantrell
Senior Member

since 2002-05-22

Posts 1667
New York

5 posted 2002-06-29 08:04 PM

... speechless...

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

6 posted 2002-06-29 08:27 PM

Within the castle's adamantine heart, below the place where shadows start,
Lost in the gloom of cryptic light, beyond the power of normal sight.
A chamber wrought with long lost lore, the statue of the Manticore.
His visage fine, that look sublime, epitome of an ancient line.

But Khronos with relentless power, has worked his way within the tower,
Dust and dirt and debris, deface the wise walls sanctity,
The runes grown dim below the mold, now but gilt where once was gold.
Waning power, a fading flower, dimming now with every hour.
=============================

This is fantastic!! Excellent write of imagery, vocabulary, verbiage, and internal rhymes and meter. You have some superb phrasing and word play as well...even gave us some alliterations for added poetic pleasures....this was so cool to read aloud...that first verse rocks

They were just doing this format and structure of poetry in the workshop forum...
I'll have to go find the name of it again.
Superb writing Poet sir

jm

When your own emptiness is all thats getting through,
There comes a point when youre not sure why youre still talking,
I passed that point long ago.

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

7 posted 2002-06-29 08:38 PM

I went to the workshop forum our wonderful teacher Nan hosts and found the meter thread I was talking about...
yours is like or close to a Trochaic Octometer or one of those..I dont pretend to know

thats why shes the teach and Im just sitting in awe...LOL
heres the threads if you want to check it out

/pip/Forum22/HTML/000524.html
/pip/Forum22/HTML/000526.html

peace and poetry
jm

[This message has been edited by Janet Marie (06-29-2002 08:39 PM).]

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