The Pain

The pain you have caused over the years, is something none of us will ever forget
You say that you are sorry now, and so full of regret
You tore our family literally in two
Never did you stop, to think of what your actions would do

Through the years growing up as your sister, I was in constant aim of your rage and pain
However, I never changed how I felt about you...I loved you just the same
You always have been on a plan of self destruction
Always following your own plan, I think you came with your own self instructions

You chose drugs and violence, over your family and love
Never did you realise, how many prayers for you have been sent above
I don't think you truly care about anyone but yourself, I'm not sure that's even true
The hate you radiate from your core, burns and destroys everything including you

You've asked me to be in your wedding, stating you're sorry for all you've done
Do you know how you broke Daddy's heart and Mom's in heaven, no instead you chose to run
Off to another coast, you thought you could start your life anew
I had hoped things would change, that you would come terms to with you

You've scarred my heart forever, with the endless lies you told me to my face
I have always loved you though, begging God to send you some of his love and grace
But you don't believe in Him, if you did you'd change your ways today
Instead though you think you can erase everything, by the pretty words you say

I'm faced with a decision to make, to not be in your wedding or to be
You're waiting for my answer, as I search inside for the answer that will set me free
Tears fall down my face on this evening of sweet April spring
I had no idea all the pain your question would to me bring

I don't know what to say, how to think, or what to feel
I know you don't understand this pain, but I assure you it's most definitely real
I think before I give you an answer, you need to look deep inside your heart and be brave
You need to go see Mama, speak to her, ask her for forgiveness at her grave

Someday Linda, you will realise the pain and hurt you have caused to those around you
I just hope it won't be too late to erase the pain of blue
Though I'll always love you, I can't promise you I'll be there on your wedding day
I know you want me as your maid of honor, but my answer is I don't know what to say