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Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

0 posted 2003-03-09 02:37 PM

A Minute Winks

This wing
of morning creeps
across the nape of grass
onto the path with a piece of sun
that warms this small slice of cement
where I stand feeling its fingers of sweet breath
across the cheek of miles
as a minute winks past
ignoring my need
to hold it
longer

[This message has been edited by Martie (03-09-2003 02:45 PM).]

majnu

Senior Member

since 2002-10-13

Posts 1088
SF Bay Area

1 posted 2003-03-09 02:48 PM

this is great.

you really use the form to your advantage - ending with "longer."

-majnu
--------------------------------------
Timid thoughts be not afraid. I am a Poet.

icequeen
Senior Member

since 2001-12-09

Posts 633
FL USA

2 posted 2003-03-09 02:54 PM

Nice how I could get the whole feeling out of this - you really express it so well. And I agree, the form is great.

the only man worth your tears will never make you cry

regards2you
Member Elite

since 2002-10-01

Posts 3940
California

3 posted 2003-03-09 02:54 PM

Martie,

Yes, so true. If time could just stand still sometimes. Liked the line arrangement of this.

Hugs, Pat

..without surrender, be on good terms with all persons..
"Desiderata"

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

4 posted 2003-03-09 03:00 PM

what a way with words!

Janet Marie
Member Laureate

since 2000-01-22

Posts 18554

5 posted 2003-03-09 03:21 PM

This wing
of morning creeps
across the nape of grass
=======================
where I stand feeling its fingers of sweet breath
across the cheek of miles
as a minute winks past
ignoring my need
to hold it
longer
=========================

how can you pack so much imagery and personification in such tight, succinct, exact poetry and make it flow like an ocean breeze...
must be cuz you are a poet of exception.

peace & poetry

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

6 posted 2003-03-09 03:32 PM

Yes! Perfect! I've felt that way about almost every minute, this morning....

And you've captured the feeling so beautifully.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

Enchantress
Member Empyrean

since 2001-08-14

Posts 35113
Canada eh.

7 posted 2003-03-09 03:42 PM

Beautiful words...
Beautiful presentation....
Beautiful poestess Martie!
~Smiles & Hugs~

~ Trace my body with your words..
And in doing so, you touch my heart. ~

Mistletoe Angel

Member Empyrean

since 2000-12-17

Posts 32816
Portland, Oregon

8 posted 2003-03-09 04:08 PM

(smiles) Awwwwwwww, I wish I could be that still and just cradle the wind like a baby in the palm of my hand, yay! (kiss on cheek) I just love your imagery, sweet friend, God Bless You, we all love you so much! You have such a beautiful heart, sweet Martie, thank you for sharing!

May love and light always shine upon you!

Love,
Noah Eaton

"Underneath your clothes there's an endless story..."

Shakira

Auguste

Member Elite

since 2000-02-16

Posts 3953
By the sea

9 posted 2003-03-09 04:10 PM

I like!

Denise

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-08-22

Posts 22648

10 posted 2003-03-09 05:11 PM

Such a beautiful expression, Martie! Lovely!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

11 posted 2003-03-09 05:12 PM

You rock... and this was almost
a rictameter! I enjoyed...the imagery, so YOU

[This message has been edited by Sunshine (03-09-2003 05:14 PM).]

Nightshade

Member Patricius

since 2001-08-31

Posts 13962
just out of reach

12 posted 2003-03-09 05:40 PM

Perfect Martie!! hugs, Chris

"Hope" is the thing with feathers-
that perches in the soul....

-Emily Dickinson

Goodknight
Member Elite

since 2002-06-15

Posts 2386
Ohio, USA

13 posted 2003-03-09 05:59 PM

you truly are a poet of exception Martie - this is just great - Paul

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

14 posted 2003-03-10 04:37 PM

I love this, Martie! *S* Thank you for capturing and sharing that elusive moment. *S*

vandana

Member Patricius

since 1999-10-22

Posts 10463
USA

15 posted 2003-03-10 07:05 PM

enjoyed

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

16 posted 2003-03-10 07:09 PM

nicely done my friend... nice indeed.

GG
Member Elite

since 2002-12-03

Posts 3532
Lost in thought

17 posted 2003-03-10 07:37 PM

there are some seconds..minutes, I wish I could just hang on to also. So beautiful.

Always, Alyssa

- And so it was that time stood still -
(blink, breathe, stand, fight)

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

18 posted 2003-03-10 08:53 PM

You have such a wonderful way about you Martie. It is beyond me how you manage to capture a fleeting moment so perfectly.

Thank you for sharing the moment~

Sandpiper
Senior Member

since 2002-06-15

Posts 738
land of flora and fauna

19 posted 2003-03-12 09:10 AM

Enjoyed this exquisite photograph in words!!

"And it was at that age...Poetry arrived in search of me...And something started in my soul."
Pablo Neruda

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

20 posted 2003-03-12 11:56 PM

Are second comments allowed? I just read this again after several days, and I love the depth and sweetness of it even more than before. You captured a gentle moment full of meaning, and gave it to us to share.

~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº>
______________Ratleader______________

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