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Open Poetry #15
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Autumnal
| Open Poetry #15 |
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Autumnal |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095
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Zio, (Uncle) my eyes searched longingly down corridors bleached with shuffling feet for you. I became tiny in your verve of universe hurried with activity, and you, still the handyman. There you were almost child-like, your hair still the colour of milk; though wispy and careless, it no longer curves over your intelligent frown satisfied. You greeted me, you didn’t know me. But you did ask about the crops as though, I worked the land with you. They’re fine, I tell you smiling, and your eyes they smile back at me Autumnal. [This message has been edited by Dark Angel (edited 07-25-2001).] |
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| © Copyright 2001 Dark Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Jamie Member Elite
since 2000-06-26
Posts 3168Blue Heaven |
Wondermos Babyroo,, wondermos. You make the scene come to life.  (K) There is society where none intrudes, by the deep sea, and music in its roar. |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
yes, your poetry reaches out and takes me there, so I can see it too wonderful! |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Maree: Your words and vision are so fresh and original...they make me smile...you are a good poet, you know? Yes, you are!!!!! |
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Lone Wolf Member Ascendant
since 2000-03-16
Posts 5842Lansing, MI USA |
Beautiful, tender write my friend. All writing comes |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
Maree, I thoroughly enjoyed this read! Your expressions bring it all to life right before your readers! You have a way with words my dear friend and you captured this one so vividly. So good to read you today Take care. Love ya, Amy "but i see your true colors, |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
This is a tender write--and love him lots my sista...touched my heart you did! |
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Aimster Member Elite
since 2000-02-19
Posts 4297Charlotte, NC |
BUMP  "but i see your true colors, |
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Sven
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937East Lansing, MI USA |
I love this Maree. . . it's such a wonderful picture. . . quote: Wonderful description of the distancing that we tend to have sometimes when dealing with older aunts and uncles. . . I love the line, "your verse of universe". . . quote: I was wondering if you were trying to show a pause there with the comma in the second line? How about this? But, you did ask about the crops as though I worked the land with you or, something else to give the idea that it's supposed to be one phrase. . . quote: I love the ending. . . the harvest of life. . . It's really great Maree. . . a tender portrait of life. . . great job my friend!!!  --------------------------------------------------------------------- To the world, you may only be one person. But to one person, you may be the world. |
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furlong Member
since 2001-04-08
Posts 129 |
Martie is right. |
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azblond Senior Member
since 1999-07-01
Posts 637The Steamy Desert |
*with tears* Beautiful. Let my words fall first upon deaf ears before a closed mind... |
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shadow974 Senior Member
since 2001-06-21
Posts 636Michigan |
Very nice write, enjoyed! Throw your heart out in front of you |
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Dark Angel Member Patricius
since 1999-08-04
Posts 10095 |
Jamie, thank you for your Wondermos reply Glad you enjoyed dear SEA, thank you very much, glad you liked Martie, awww blushing  Thank you so much. So glad to make you smile, just knowing that warms my heart. Hugs. Lone Wolf, thanks for your tender reply m'dear Miss Amy *wink* Thank you for your sweet reply hon. Me Sista, It warms me to know that I touched your heart. I only hope that I have as you have mine dear Love him lots? I do, I do. Thank you.Miss Amy, thanks for the BUMP dear. hugs Sven, Thank you for your suggestions, and no I wasnt trying to show a pause with that comma. It really shouldnt be there, thanks for pointing it out. It reads better without it and I don't how I didnt pick it. I loved the way you structured those lines for me. Thank you. Again thanks for your lovely reply and your time Furlong, aww shucks, thanks. Blushing again. azblond, wow with tears. Didnt mean to bring them on hon. I thank you. shadow, glad you liked and enjoyed Thank you. |
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