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Open Poetry #15
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The Thought of You
| Open Poetry #15 |
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The Thought of You |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Like a jacket wrapped around me On a cold and windy night, Or a mesmerizing melody That fills me with delight, Like the thrill of doing something That's completely impromptu... Brought together all in one thing In my mind: the thought of you... Your sighs I hear In my left ear Intoxicate my soul As they make shine This heart of mine, So long a lump of coal... Stronger than the scent of roses; Softer than their petals' touch: The thought of you, my mind imposes Feelings that I like so much... Much warmer than a fireplace Some night with you I'll share... The image of your smiling face... Your thoughtfulness and care... Your laughter rings With joy it brings Your voice I can't forget I think of you Day and night too, Although we've never met... (Copyright 2001 by: MARK V SHELDON) "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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| © Copyright 2001 Mark V Sheldon - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
nice work Mark! rhyme is good although perhaps it feels a little forced in one or two places... but that may only be me.. I never was good with rhyme.. I enjoyed this..and the ending nice images, romantic tone and language... very nice, and I am sure that special someone appreciates it for many reasons.. keep writing em... I'll keep reading them.. |
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Lady In White
since 2001-02-12
Posts 2799USA |
just a spirit passing through... enjoyed.... |
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SEA 
Moderator
Member Seraphic
since 2000-01-18
Posts 22676with you |
"Stronger than the scent of roses; Softer than their petals' touch:"  that is so pretty beutifully done Mark |
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MyEnchanted_Melody Senior Member
since 2001-05-30
Posts 1106across the land of dreams. In your heart, I'd always be. |
Stronger than the scent of roses; Softer than their petals' touch: The thought of you, my mind imposes Feelings that I like so much... ====================== I've enjoyed this alot.......as I always seem with your writing.....  I really love the tender touch of your pen......and the tenderness of your thoughts and feelings...... Thank you.......  *************************** It's only me.......only me |
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catalinamoon
since 2000-06-03
Posts 9543The Shores of Alone |
Mark, I love the rhyme and flow in this one. And the thoughts. Sandra |
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VAS Member Rara Avis
since 2000-11-16
Posts 7450Oregon |
I like the two rhyme/rhythm patterns with which you alternate through this delightfully flowing piece. Lovely! |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Thank you for the comments and reply, Ron. I'm curious which parts may have felt forced to you? Your spirit is always welcome here, my Lady. Thank you SEA... inspiration is a good thing. MEM: I thank you for your kind words. Tender is but one facet of a heart when it has found Love. Sandra, thanks for the read and comments. VAS: For some reason, this format came out naturally and felt just write for what I was trying to express... Thanks for stopping by. -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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Ariana Senior Member
since 2000-10-08
Posts 571Orlando, Florida |
Mark "Your laughter rings With joy it brings Your voice I can't forget I think of you Day and night too, Although we've never met..." I love the mood that sets in the mind from reading this. Enjoyed - thank you. |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
A sincere thank you, Ariana -- it's all about the mood, afterall... -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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Corinne Member Ascendant
since 1999-10-28
Posts 5167state of confusion |
Lovely! Corinne |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Thank you, Corinne. -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Mark... perhaps forced is the wrong way to put it.. but then again..as I said I am not and never have been good with rhyme. The passage that bothered me and seemed as I said forced was this one Your sighs I hear In my left ear Intoxicate my soul As they make shine This heart of mine, So long a lump of coal... I like the intent of it..but struggled when reading it due in large part to the second line and the fourth... your language throughout the poem seems above these two lines...and therefore they seemed "forced" to me. This is a very nice poem... and my "nitpicking" should not be contrued as taking anything away from how well done it is or how much I enjoyed it... slap me silly and send me to the corner... (laughing) |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Thanks for the details, Ron. I think that you were expecting the standard "A,B,A,B" rhyme scheme which I used in the first and third stanzas (and which I tend to use in most of my poetry, most of the time because of its aesthetic symmetry), but I decided to alternate the stanzas in this poem by having the second and fourth stanzas use an "A,A,B,C,C,B" pattern instead, for diversity and inspired flow of thoughts when I was writing it -- it came out naturally that way. I guess it's all in how you read it, in terms of the flow... if things don't rhyme the usual way ("A,B,A,B"), then the trick is to find the rhythm of the lines ("A,A,B,A,A,B"? "A,B,C,A,B,C"? etc.) It's all in the patterns, if it is to flow and rhyme... Thanks for the consideration and clarification. -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
(laughing) Actually... I understood the rhyme scheme..but it was the content of those two lines which bothered me... Now my momma used to tell me I never had sense enough to know when to shut up..and it caused me more than one bruise or bloody nose..but I am not trying to be ugly or argumentative... just know from having read your poetry that you are talented... and the two lines I singled out are IN MY OPINON ( and we all know about opinions) the weakest... NOW... slap me silly and send me to the corner.. I'll hush now... (smiling) |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Hmm... let me see if I get it: are you referring to the rhyme or to the content of the lines "In my left ear" and "As they make shine"? If you're talking about the content -- the imagery of the first line is holding a telephone receiver to my left ear while listening to her voice and laughter which both "make my heart shine"... Am I on target with your questions? Don't worry: I'm not at all taking your questioning as "argumentative"; I'm just trying to understand your points, but if I send you off to a corner after slapping you silly, I'll never get closure to the points you bring up! :-} -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
Well it is both the content..and the fact the content seemd forced to make the rhyme scheme work... I did not put together the left ear and the telephone... and while I may not be the brightest bulb in the fixture, I think others would stumble over this as well... perhaps not..IT may well just be ME. I followed the poem well and stumbled on those two lines...both for meaning and for a feeling of them being there just to rhyme... Now.. I am very glad you don't think I am being argumentative...I am not.. nor am I picking on your writing... you can take any of my poems and a third grader show me what I might improve... so I really don't know that I have any right to comment like this at all... ( laughing) |
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MARK V SHELDON Member Elite
since 2001-06-21
Posts 3015In a corporeal internship... |
Ron, as long as you are honest and respectful, you are always welcome to state your mind and express your opinions (and that goes for all my readers). I may not agree with those opinions, but I will always consider them with my mind and heart. The ripple effect can cause tidal waves if given enough time and energy, and as you know, tidal waves don't have to be destructive. So opine away! We're all here to learn from each other, right? To quote Depeche Mode: "I'm always willing to learn when you have something to teach"... Thanks for the thought-stimulation. -MVS "If you think you know it all, you have a lot to learn." "Everyone can hear; few can listen." [This message has been edited by MARK V SHELDON (edited 07-12-2001).] |
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