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dieing distance
| Teen Poetry #5 |
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dieing distance |
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ryun Junior Member
since 2000-01-25
Posts 33elsinore, ca, usa |
looking by my side.. sad and crying.. i feel empty inside... only left with.. bits of memmory.. i hold so tight... in the still night.. i get sad so i write... my only companion.. is my pen i hold tight... nothing ever seems righ.. i cry inside... dieing.. in the still night |
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keoni Senior Member
since 2000-10-16
Posts 850Up in the mountains in the NFC |
Short and sweet. I liked this. I thought you could have added more to it and made it even better. Nice job on the poem Jon "Your anger is a gift"-Rage Against The Machine |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
I liked this... nicely done, Ryun. I hope to see more soon. --Marie You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning. |
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Spice Senior Member
since 2001-04-13
Posts 1266Resting in my cardboard box. |
I saw another poem written like this...format I mean. Perhaps it was you...My memory bites. But I do remember giving my un-asked for critique about the format. HaHa (HEaven forbid I ever keep my opinions to myself.) I just don't like to read poetry when it's in paragraph form.I think each of those lil sections should be their own line...It would make a much better effect. Just my thought though- and we all know how "important" that is.  Other than that I really liked this. I though you expressed yoruself well. I know the feeling...not exactly with writing- Everyone has there own outlet when they get upset...Glad you found yours. It helps to ease the pain a bit. Thanks for the read.  You wouldn't worry about what people thought about you if you knew how seldom they did. |
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