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Teen Poetry #5
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Hallucination
Member
since 2001-03-18
Posts 419


0 posted 2001-07-25 07:40 PM


From the moment that you told me forever
I thought I was dreaming,
I still can’t believe it’s true.
And I keep hearing your voice say yes I will
Still carry that feeling,
Picture you whenever I’m blue.

Cause we’re finally, holding hands
And walking down,
The road of eternity.

Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With every single beat of my heart.
Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With all the love within my heart.
With this ring I promise to,
Love and cherish you, for better or worse,
Till death do us part. Darling I do

We’ve been together several months now
And you know I love you,
From the bottom of my heart.
And there’s a question I’ve been dying to ask
Will you marry a fool?
And still be my shining star.

Now we’re finally, holding hands
And walking down,
The road of eternity.

Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With every single beat of my heart.
Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With all the love within my heart.
With this ring I promise to,
Love and cherish you, for better or worse,
Till death do us part. Darling I do

I’m ready to take the stand
Ready with my confession,
From the first day I saw you
I knew I loved you.

Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With every single beat of my heart.
Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With all the love within my heart.
With this ring I promise to,
Love and cherish you, for better or worse,
Till death do us part. Darling I do

Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With every single beat of my heart.
Darling I do, baby I do, yes I do
With all the love within my heart.
With this ring I promise to,
Love and cherish you, for better or worse,
Till death do us part. Darling I do


© Copyright 2001 Brian Eggertsen - All Rights Reserved
DarkenedShadow
Member
since 2001-07-23
Posts 114
Kansas
1 posted 2001-07-25 08:34 PM


Ohh how I remember this one, it brings back memories... of course without the ring. Not me to propose but hey good one. /Nick/
holatuwol
Member
since 2001-04-27
Posts 72
California, USA
2 posted 2001-07-25 10:38 PM


This seemed like a blend of All 4 One's "I Swear" and 98 Degrees' "I Do" in almost every single way... I even saw a minor blend of Backstreet Boys and other related boy bands mixed in every now and then... it's an interesting poem, but it seems too much like aforementioned songs to be really a good song of its own...

I know not if the resemblance was intentional or not, but the sheer fact that they did resemble sort of ruined the way the song might have otherwise sounded... certainly a nice poem-song, beyond that resemblance, though... but my mind appears too stubborn to pretend that the current crossed image isn't there. ^_^  Perhaps on another read through it...


- holatuwol

Dopey Dope
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Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico
3 posted 2001-07-26 03:00 AM


Great job here. I enjoyed this one.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

Hellseyes
Member
since 2001-07-25
Posts 120
Kansas, USA
4 posted 2001-07-26 11:33 AM


wow this is good sh!t...good write../Drew/
Heavens Tears
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-15
Posts 677

5 posted 2001-07-26 12:01 PM


This was okay.  I guess I dont like songs as much as I do poems, even though much of the time, they are one and the same.  Good job anyway.
JBaker515
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Member
since 2001-02-28
Posts 458
Dartmouth College
6 posted 2001-07-26 01:43 PM


here is another cute one, its def. by a boy band!!
Loved it..LOL

~Jeff~

"Within you I lose myself
Without you I find myself
Wanting to be lost again."



Fading Away
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Member Elite
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia
7 posted 2001-07-30 11:54 PM


This is very well written!  I enjoyed this very much, Hallu.  Your words are so sweet, and thoughts are beautiful.  Best of luck with this person   Nicely done.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning.

anonymous albert ?
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2001-03-23
Posts 2979

8 posted 2001-08-01 03:09 AM


sweet and beautfiul...another nice one....i liekd it.

"if i die before i wake...i pray the Lord my soul to take" - when thugs cry-

Linc
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Senior Member
since 2001-03-07
Posts 552
The Backstreet Boy
9 posted 2001-08-01 07:59 AM


Hey,

  Well 'gosh darn' this is a great poem! Its so sweet :'(

         -- Linc

       "Blood Moon"
   Host: Lark.crodo.com
         Port:1313

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