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a.k.a.maLa
Junior Member

since 2001-06-08

Posts 15
Florida, USA

0 posted 2001-07-21 11:49 PM

Excuse me...
...Can I fly away from here?
Self-imposed angst and wicked stares
Are all I see as I gaze into that looking glass
My innocence is hanging on a cross
I would speak but my words are lost
I search for my smile as I stare at you now
I can't find it and I don't know how
Maybe this is all is a hallucination
I would pray but my voice is gone

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

1 posted 2001-07-22 12:31 PM

Jenna- I think you could extend this one a lil more. I loved it though. A wonderful free-verse. The emotion and power in it was awesome.

Karen
Junior Member

since 2000-04-30

Posts 36
Utah

2 posted 2001-07-22 12:42 PM

Wow. Sometimes when I look in the mirror, I see a complete stranger. Thanks for the poem, I really connected.

Keep Smiling,
Karen
"There is nothing more beautiful that a smile that shines through the tears."

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

3 posted 2001-07-23 06:16 AM

Your start is awesome! It's fully like someone talking to someone. It really had me going, "ooooo, that's good."

The rest of the piece is pretty good though. Full of honesty.
Thanks for the read.

~AF~

Tearless grief bleeds inwardly.
~ Christian Nevell Bovee ~

Starnite
Junior Member

since 2001-07-05

Posts 41
Wisconsin

4 posted 2001-07-23 10:51 AM

Wow that was good but short. I think you could keep going on that a little more.

**Sarah

chas
Member

since 2001-04-08

Posts 101
Lynn, ma

5 posted 2001-07-24 02:10 PM

the feeling in this is great, if you add more, you might ruin it, or you might not.. good the way it is..

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-07-25 05:50 PM

I liked it but think more could be added. Anyhow, it was fine.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

Somewhere out there a cow is laughing at you

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