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the_rescue
Member

since 2001-05-23

Posts 316
Japan

0 posted 2001-07-06 02:25 PM

Blameless
No Shame
Liberty
my name

hopeful
bliss
joyous
sons kiss

purified
clean
faith
things unseen

death
life
grace
ending strife

I'm not asking U 2 luv me I'm just letting out the truth no hold barred about what I feel nothing wrong with what I say

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

1 posted 2001-07-06 05:31 PM

This was an excellent poem and I am honoured to be the first to reply! I liked, the structure, the tone and the rhythm! Keep writing

^*~Kicking Kim~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

TopGunLauren
Senior Member

since 2000-08-02

Posts 718
California

2 posted 2001-07-06 05:58 PM

This is a cool poem I loved it keep up the great work I cna't wait to read more of your poems.
Lauren

~sugarpie313~
Member

since 2000-09-14

Posts 375
Maine, USA

3 posted 2001-07-06 06:00 PM

i like the format it seemed to flow very well. i like short diddy's like this

Valerie

"...And i want to take you down, but your soul could not be found, doesn't matter much you see cause your disease is killing me..." -Saliva

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

4 posted 2001-07-06 08:32 PM

OOooo Rescue- I loved the format!
Great read here!

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

5 posted 2001-07-06 10:34 PM

I agree with Jess, the format is well done. But I don't like the poem. I don't know why exactly... The technical side of the poem is okay. I think you could go further with this...
Thanks for sharing, just the same. Keep posting all of your work.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

6 posted 2001-07-07 01:23 AM

I'm not usually a big fan for this particular format, but really liked this one. Not sure what it is about it, but this one sounded really good. Keep postin'!

- Cody -

If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

7 posted 2001-07-07 02:39 PM

the beginning was strong but the ending came some what weak?...i truly like what you were trying to get at...very meaningful

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

8 posted 2001-07-07 03:10 PM

This was a great read although not my favourite by you, I kinda felt it was lacking something... but I'd definitely work on this a bit more...
Zu

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

9 posted 2001-07-07 03:14 PM

I dont think this is my fav from you either, but it is still very powerful.

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

10 posted 2001-07-09 12:20 PM

I didn't much like this one. I didn't like the format, and along with albert I think the ending was a bit quick and weak. I think you can do more with this poem. I hope to see more of your poems in the future.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

11 posted 2001-07-10 03:15 AM

I don't like this one at all. The format isn't very appealing and it didn't flow well at all.
Thanks for the read anyway.

~AF~

Never speak disrespectfully of Society. Only people who can't get into it do that.
~ Oscar Wilde ~

punkrockerrobin

Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 1180
Sparks, NV

12 posted 2001-07-10 06:56 AM

jimmy hun i misses you! you disappeared! guess what polar and sick of change this month wooohoooo!love ya hun!
robin

I AM WHAT I AM SO DEAL!

Dr. Jo-Bizz
Member

since 2001-06-06

Posts 97

13 posted 2001-07-10 11:28 AM

i really liked this one. i don't think its as good as "haunt", but i liked the short, one word lines. its a good, powerful poem, but i also felt that the ending was more weak than the beginning. but you did a great job.

jo

But His word was in my heart
like a burning fire
Shut up in my bones;
I was weary of holding back,
And I could not.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

14 posted 2001-07-18 12:36 PM

I need a little explanation on this one. I'm alittle lost, so I'd appreciate some of your thoughts on this one. Thanks

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

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