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Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

0 posted 2001-07-05 12:46 PM

You put bars across the window...
Said it was for 'safety,'
but the air was still parched
and tinted blue from deprivation of light
and the suffocation from reality.
I tried my best to keep the sky from falling,
even though you said it was inevitable--
but the dust was stained red with the cloud-blood
and caked with remnants of neon-life,
and a multitude of broken hearts.
Flowers were plucked and killed
and tucked into the earth
to honor someone else’s passing,
and you wanted the wind to bury your past,
but the breeze only scattered your thoughts
like nicely-raked leaves...
It rattled the litter embedded in the dirt,
and emerged a summer in the middle of winter.
A crown of flowers, in all its glory,
etched within a destiny,
composed before the beginning.
You put bars across the window...
Said it was for 'safety,'
but now I’m not sure whether the intention
was to prevent burglars from getting in,
or me from getting out.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 07-05-2001).]

Allysa

Senior Member

since 1999-11-09

Posts 1952
In an upside-down garden

1 posted 2001-07-05 01:22 PM

Marie, I liked this one. There's nothing here to rip apart. Anyways, awesome job!

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

2 posted 2001-07-05 01:33 PM

Great work Marie, I really enjoyed the read and I just love all the images that you conjure up...
Zu

Spice
Senior Member

since 2001-04-13

Posts 1266
Resting in my cardboard box.

3 posted 2001-07-05 02:37 PM

Marie...What can I say? This was amazing. I loved everything about this. Into the library it goes.

Heavens Tears

Senior Member

since 2001-03-15

Posts 677

4 posted 2001-07-05 03:09 PM

This was an amazing poem. The idea of being trapped was a great idea for a poem. Keep up the great poetry!

*Amanda*
I need more time to find the real me...
to fly like the birds... to be set free.

CwboyAtHeart
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 541
Selah, WA, USA

5 posted 2001-07-05 04:27 PM

I really liked this one. You explained really well how it would feel to be trapped. Good poem.

- Cody -

If Pigs Can Fly, So Can I!!!

If someboy laughs at me, does that make me funny or just plain stupid?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

6 posted 2001-07-07 02:06 AM

Nicely done here Marie. I'll say that I did like this one but didn't think it was your best. I did enjoy it though.

I was born myself, raised myself, and will continue to be myself. The world will just have to adjust.

I'm in love with my shadow
I admire it daily

Wood_Stock
Member

since 2001-05-09

Posts 58
The little yellow

7 posted 2001-07-07 10:03 AM

I guess everyone gets something different out of other peoples poems.

I didn't get the feeling of being trapped so much, more that the truth can be distorted and retold, whilst still being true, manipulating us.

(wow! sounds silly I guess... but hey, I'm a bit silly...)

Anyway, I liked this one. It was different from all the others I've read today, and deserves praise. Good job!

Wood_Stock.

Kicking Kim
Member

since 2001-04-16

Posts 426
Cloud Cucko Land!

8 posted 2001-07-07 11:51 AM

This was a very strong well structured poem. I liked it a lot, the rhythm was effective and I liked the way the end linked in with the beginning.

^*~Kicking Kim~*^

"Theres no posession, just obsession and growing depression"

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

9 posted 2001-07-07 02:21 PM

Wood Stock - I was hoping someone would say what you did. This poem isn't about being trapped. It's just like what you said... it's about the truth being twisted around and distorted in a manipulative sort of way. Hence, the title

Thanks for your comments everyone

Much appreciated. I'm glad you all enjoyed it.

--Marie

You can’t expect the roses to grow without the weeds.

[This message has been edited by Fading Away (edited 07-07-2001).]

anonymous albert ?

Member Elite

since 2001-03-23

Posts 2979

10 posted 2001-07-07 02:21 PM

your imagery is amazing Marie...the whole poem was well written...the last words hit home.

im addicted to passions in poetry!...are you?

LoneWolf
Member

since 2001-03-10

Posts 384
IL

11 posted 2001-07-08 12:52 PM

This was wonderful. i really liked it. great job

It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
I've learned that even when you th

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

12 posted 2001-07-09 09:02 PM

Yay I got it right!

Another piece of art you've crafted, m'dear. Yours is poetry that never ceases to capture me....
~Carly

Speak softly and carry a beagle.

"Go outside and use your own eyes. You'll be surprised to see things you've never been taught."
~Edouard Manet

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

13 posted 2001-07-16 06:15 PM

very interesting way of looking at someone's actions. You last lines intrigue me a lot. Shows a lot of doubt in your mind. Hope things are well. thanks for the read

hi Sweets, Lizzy, Kris, Ina, Erin, Erica, Minna, Kit, Kamie, Javi, Jenn, Sharon, Nan, Cawlee, Cherish, Ashley, Sara, Justine, Leah, Jess, Kimmie, Mare

**lost**
Junior Member

since 2001-07-16

Posts 32
ma

14 posted 2001-07-16 07:03 PM

wow..i am overcome by writers criticism so i dont really like my poems so that may be a contribution but i doubt it...i am envious...you obviously have extreme talent. wow..that was so amazing..deep and abstract and open to interpertation...general and personalized. i love it

confused among strangers,
lost amongst myself.
**lost**

Fading Away

Member Elite

since 2001-03-14

Posts 3131
Lynchburg, Virginia

15 posted 2001-07-16 07:56 PM

Thanks for the replies

Acire, those are my favorite lines in the piece too. **lost** Welcome to Passions

I'm glad you liked it.

Thanks again for the replies everyone.

--Marie

You think yourself a failure, but perhaps the biggest loss is winning...

Isabel Galaxia
Senior Member

since 2000-06-18

Posts 733

16 posted 2001-07-17 09:02 PM

Whoa. I dunno what to say

Bel

Shygirl82
Member

since 2001-02-19

Posts 245
Ilinois

17 posted 2001-07-18 12:40 PM

Wow this was truly incredible Marie. This was very well written and the imagery was amazing.
~Nikki~

It takes only a minute to like someone, a hour to love someone, but a lifetime to forget them.

allie
Member

since 2001-07-09

Posts 218
Australia

18 posted 2001-07-18 03:44 AM

Marie,
i hunted down your work cause you were so nice to me when i joined.
And it's nothing short of excellent.
i loved the poem! it was brilliant,
you expressed yourself wonderfully through comparissons...
fabulous read,hope to become good friends...

In the presence of wonderful minds...

ALLIE

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